Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
It's a social construct not to point out negative things that may hurt feelings when it is wholly unnecessary. It's not different than saying to someone, "I don't care for your shirt." It's not needed. It's best to keep it to yourself.
I don't view saying someone is not your friend as negative. Sometimes it's good that some people aren't friends. lol!
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
Trying to think how to explain, lol.
There are many factual statements that hurt feelings and should be kept to yourself. I'll give examples...
You have a really bit wart on your nose.
You're voice is really masculine/feminine.
Your teeth are crooked.
None of things are nice to say, but they are mostly factual. There are times, where the conversation is necessary, but otherwise...keep it to yourself.
lol!
I know what you mean or at least what you are trying to say but I still don't see it that way.
In response to the examples you posted above...some are observations, some are opinions etc and all are probably blunt or not as tactful as we think they should be but it's all still okay in my book.
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This just happened here shortly before lunch:
3 yr old Curtis plays well with most of the kids in daycare but he does not play well with Oscar. Oscar and Curtis just don't get along. They are not friends.
Oscar comes over to where Curtis is playing and says "I want to play." Curtis does not want to play with Oscar and doesn't want him to join the activity so Curtis says
"No. You are not my friend".
I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
It's not hurtful, mean or bullying in any way.
It's simply the fact. Oscar and Curtis are not friends.
They have a history that proves that so I don't expect Curtis to say anything but that.
Yes, he could probably say something like
"You can have a turn as soon as I am finished but I am playing."
But I am not really in the camp of walking on egg shells so someone isn't offended or upset by someone else's thoughts or words (unless truly meant to be hurtful) and honestly think that is part of the reason our society has become so sensitive. Seem everything (no matter how small) is offensive to someone.
Maybe I see this different because I am very blunt and factual when speaking and have always have been.
I am forever saying
"It's not what you say but how you say it" so I still think telling another person you are not their friend is perfectly acceptable to do. Again unless purposely meant to be hurtful or used as leverage to influence someone's actions/behaviors.