I haven't read through all of the responses yet, but the part about the provider throwing away your child really stuck out.
I see it as the opposite.
The provider is
listening to your child and it seems like she is trying to get you to listen to your child as well.
Behavior is always a form of communication. This situation is not your fault, it's not your child's fault and it's not your provider's fault. It (as Cat said above) simply not a good fit.
It's like jeans. If the jeans don't fit you do you fault the store, the manufactuer or the jeans themselves? No. You try on another pair of jeans until they fit properly.
Best of luck with your childcare search
