I've had this conversation with parents before. I'm trying to help them see that their child needs help, they see it as an assault and withdrawal of my affection for their child. I don't try to help families with kids I just plain don't like. I ask those families to leave. Not every child I have termed has been a child that I just didn't like (there have only been a couple of those in my career). Some of the last kids I termed were flat out my favorite kids ever (they still come spend the night with me from time to time). I had to term them because they were no longer doing well in my environment. They went to a friend of mine who is much more structured and much more strict than I. They needed an environment that I wasn't willing to provide (lots of rules and very strict discipline and punishment-I try not to use punishment in my home if I can avoid it).

Others are correct-you can't demand that the daycare work with you on YOUR child's behavior. That's a parental responsibility. The jealousy thing is surely part of the issue, but that isn't something that started at daycare-that's from your child's own sense of self and entitlement (this isn't a slam here, all kids feel that they are the center of the world to an extent).

The tantrums are normal. They start around age 2. Sleep regression is also normal around this age. Those aren't caused by the daycare provider, but by biology.

Hitting the provider, not being able to be redirected by the provider-those things don't fall under "normal" to me, either. Your child isn't broken. Your child isn't likely mentally ill. She just needs to learn that she needs to share her caregiver (and that's hard) and that she needs to respect adult authority. Rather than telling your provider to work with you, reach out and ask what you can do to work with her and make your child more comfortable and minimize disruptions to her environment.

I would suggest making an appointment with a children's therapist (for yourself-it's doubtful that they'd take on a child as young as yours) and ask for advice on how to help your daughter deal with what's going on, and what you can do at home to help her build confidence and feel less threatened by her loss of position as baby.

Contacting other parents, IMO, was an extremely immature thing to do. You're digging for dirt. You want someone to validate your feelings. It's quite unlikely that any other family who left, voluntarily or not, would have a lot of nice things to say. Remember that the reason your daughter feels her position is threatened is likely because this provider made her feel special and gave her "extra".

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