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RIWorkingMom 09:26 AM 04-12-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
When posters said your DD may not be thriving in a mixed age group or wasn't a good fit for group care was in NO WAY blaming the child.

That's like saying your DD doesn't like yellow and blaming the crayon. When something isn't a good fit, it's not HER fault. I don't think anyone said that.
This is what made me feel that way:

some behaviors that parents describe as normal are NOT normal.

I've seen autism, SPD/SID, ADHD, ODD, and learning disabilities WELL before a parent has.


That felt to me to like the child is being blamed for not being normal or having a mental disorder. I went back and reread all of the comments. This one just stuck out in my head I guess as I felt it was harsh. I felt that this statement sounds like my word as a parent cannot be trusted or taken into consideration, and that this problem is most likely with the child. I could be reading too deeply in that, but it definitely stuck out. The comments about needing to change daycare because it might not be a right fit does not sound like anyone is blaming anyone else. I am sorry if you felt that was what I was getting at. I was hoping to keep my daughter in the same daycare because as you can see change is tough for her, but if it's not right then it is not right. I am taking your advice on moving her. I agree with you all and I am not blaming anyone for her. Reaching out to the other parents to see where they went was probably both a mistake and a blessing. I think it opened our eyes to the fact that she is probably best with infants and not toddlers, but the one parent (and only one parent) that mentioned the pow pow’s could be lying.

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I agree there are better ways for the provider to say your child is not normal but there are also better ways to communicate with each other in general.
I'm trying. That's why I posted here. I usually let her talk. Ask what I can do. Offer some tips that worked with my dd when she is with me. It is hard to change her behavior when I am not there. She is not the same person at dc as she is at home, and I know this is typical. But all provider says is that she doesn't know what to do. That's why I offered to make a doctor's appointment to see if I can get a referral for a therapist. All I was told from the doctor was that her behavior is normal and very typical for this situation, and that she did not need therapy and that I am doing a good job. Like I said the dr witnessed a meltdown, saw how I handled it, and that it didn't last for more than 30 seconds. I know that she is going to act differently with me than with a dc provider. I know that. I also know that she spends a lot of time with the provider and that children tend to emote more around primary caregivers. Asking for the DR report felt like she didn’t believe me.

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
As the parent, ask the provider to elaborate on what she means by "not normal".
She said that the hitting when she is in the corner and going limp and crying when she goes in the corner, and biting herself (by the way, just found out her two year old molars are coming in and by biting herself she means that she is biting her fingers. She has been sticking almost her whole hand in there and biting them), not sharing well, crying when they have to stop playing and crying when I drop her off is not normal. Mind you she didn’t have these problems before the new babies. I believe that this is normal behavior all things considered. I do not believe it is acceptable behavior, but it is definitely normal.
Also, note my earlier comment that she gave her an ultimatum and that worked well. What sets her off is very predictable, so by saying if you cry when we go in for snack you can’t come out and play worked better than the corner!
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
What I say and what a parent hears aren't always the same thing (your example illustrates that perfectly) so discussing something, asking for clarification, tips, tricks, ideas and resources is not only the providers responsibility but your's as well.
She hasn't offered anything as far as tips or tricks or what she needs from me. I have been going mad doing research. Hence the dr visit and reaching out to people who have most likely dealt with this.

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
As for the 2 naps a day, your DD is a bit old to still be taking 2 naps a day but depending on how ling her day in care is, how restful her night time sleep is and other factors, she might need two naps but that is something I would definitely be discussing with the provider.
This is the toughest one and probably the biggest reason I need to change her daycare. I have told her that I hear two is when most kids phase out of the 2 naps. I told her that maybe my dd doesn’t need it anymore. If she has to have all of the kids on a two nap schedule this won't work for DD. This is also one of the things she said wasn't normal. Ya know the fact that she wont take her morning nap anymore, and that she whines the entire time. I tried explaining to her that she simply outgrew it. She is almost 2. She goes to bed at 7:30 PM and wakes up at 6:30 AM. She is not going to go down for a nap at 7:30 AM. I spoke to my mom about this and she was the one that told me that she may feel like she is being punished by being forced to lay down and not make a noise when she has just woken up and is full of energy.


Also, My mom, who majored in psych and did her dissertation on child development, also states that her tantrums are on par with her age and the new baby situation.

I also want to throw in there that the dc provider has often said I am one of her favorite parent. I am always willing to work with her. I always know when to drop of diapers and wipes, and I always pay on time. SO... I just want you all to know that I am trying to be proactive, but I really haven't addressed that the whole not normal thing bothering me. Can I tell her that it bothers me? Do you think that it is worth it or should I just shut my mouth? I have an appt on Friday for a pre-k who said they have had many kids like my dd who are going through the terrible twos and have problems adapting and are prepared to work with her, and have a counselor on staff. My MIL can watch her two days, so I can put her in part time and actually save $$! They have an opening in 3 weeks. How do I break the news to the dc without breaking her heart?
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