Originally Posted by Heidi:
I know "supernanny" is a big fan of time-outs, but honestly, they don't work with most 2 year olds. Obviously, if you're using them that often, they are having no affect.
Things that work for me:
Positive, positive, positive. My 2 year old here loves being my helper (and he's a young 2). So, I give him little tasks to do, and ask him often
"can you help me with this?". Then, he gets positive attention for being helpful. Also, if I see him doing something nice, like giving the baby a toy, again..."thank yoU! You are so helpful!" He is so proud.
"Gentle hands"...again, telling him what he SHOULD do vs. what he should not.
Into the carseat, I would also ask him to help you get him in. Can you buckle it? Yay! My DCB pitches a fit for mom, but if he goes in my car, he's fine. At meals, he gets into his booster willingly, and helps buckle himself in.
Distraction... If there is a cycle of hitting/fighting, he may just need an activity at the table so he and everyone else can get a break. "How about, you sit in your chair for a few minutes, and I'll find you a toy?" I have a few things out of reach that are kept for special times.
Redirection..Going after a toy someone else has? "Other kiddo is using that right now, you can use it when he is done. How about we find you something else to play with?
Make him an area of his own, if that's possible. If you have a super-gate, you can create a corner for him. Make it his special area, and in a kind way, say "it looks like you need a little alone time. Here is a place you can play where no one will bother you!" Again, a few toys, rotated frequently. This could be something you do for the whole group; have a one-person-only area where they can get away for a while.
If he's not talking, find some baby signs online and teach them to him. Say the words while you make the sign, and that will help him communicate. I think a lot of 2's just get so frustrated because their thoughts are way ahead of their expressive language.
Give him warnings (in 5 minutes, it's going to be time to get ready), and also acknowledge his feelings. "I know you don't want to put your shoes on, I can hear you saying that. But, it's time to go. It's not a choice. Now, which shoe do you want to put on first? " The old...limited choices.
I hope that helps. My little dcb-26 months, is a doll now. But, there was a point where he was biting and throwing a lot of tantrums.
I would also share what you are doing with the parents. Write up a handout of language to use so you are all consistent. Be consistent with your expectations and act swiftly each time so he knows that it is not acceptable. Let the parents know that they need to do the same exact thing at home because if you don't fix the behavior soon then you will need to term him if he is a danger to the other kids. Let them know that you see no reason that should happen if you guys are on the same page. Let them know that behavior can change in just a few days with consistency.
I just went through this with a DCB and we were able to change his behavior in a week. It was exhausting, but it was worth it. The parents were on board though as well.