Originally Posted by denack:
Now he needs his own adult because he has separation anxiety and has had at least four different care arrangements in the last five months.
He has only been in one other day care setting since he started going to day care in September. We had grandparents watching him in our home after he was terminated from the first one. He has a toy area in the living room as well as one in his room but his room is upstairs so he has to be watched so he doesn't fall down the stairs as we don't have a gate at the top of the stairs yet.
He would prefer to walk and has started to walk around things but likes to walk with adult assistance. I suppose you're going to tell me that is wrong too. Sorry if I sound snippy but this isn't easy for me. I know I've made mistakes in how he's been raised and that it's my fault he is acting the way he is--I get that from my husband all the time and I feel bad enough as it is that he cries all the time when I leave. My stomach is in knots every day all day when I'm at work because of how he is when I leave him. I love my son more than anything in the world and I'm not making excuses for his behavior because I know I'm responsible for it but generally he is a happy baby.
I know I've got to stop holding him all the time it's not realistic to expect the daycare provider to hold him all the time and because it's taxing on her as well. She did tell me that she had another child who is no longer in her care due to the family moved, that did the same things and after 2 weeks adjusted well to the routine and being in her care. I don't want it to take that long. I talk to my son every night and every morning about going to her house and how much fun it's going to be. I suppose that's the wrong thing to do to, Maybe that's another mistake I'm making that is adding to his anxiety.
Nah Mommy... you are taking my words the wrong way. I'm trying to show you the other side of this so you see what world you are bringing him into and trying to give you SPECIFIC help of things to do to get him "public" ready so YOU can go to work and your provider can dig her job.
I don't reccommend finger walking him at ALL. It's artificial movement that he can't replicate where you are balancing him against gravity. It's like a big light flashing... sound music... bleeping toy to his brain. It's too stimulating. It doesn't do ANYTHING to calm him and it doesn't further his ability to walk. What skills he uses to free walk on his own don't have a single thing in common with the walking he does balancing himself on two points of adults fingers.
He's better off doing what HE can do on his own. I've seen many many kids fixated on finger walking and have counselled many providers of kids who are fingerwalking addicted. Their happiness is built upon an adult holding them up against gravity and moving them forward... whhile the adult is bent over and can't do a single thing BUT fingerwalk the kid. The day care provider can't mimic that because she has to have her head UP and her eyes on the crew. Her hands need to be empty a good portion of the day so she can readily do what she needs to do with everyone.
Talking to him before and after day care isn't going to ready him into day care either BUT it's engagment with your baby and that's a good thing. Your body language when you pass him off and when you pick him up DOES matter to him. Be cheerful and show him that this is what you want him to do.
It's good that your provider thinks two weeks is going to be the improvement time. That seems like an eternity to you but in the scheme of things it's a blink of time.
Good luck and keep at it. He'll get it eventually.