I am glad you know what to look for as far as self harm.
She is Blessed to have a Mom who is doing everything possible for her!
. Remember that- it is so hard to have behavior issues in your child and it can feel like you just keep failing- but you aren't! You are doing all you can to get her the help she needs
It sounds like to a certain extent right now it may have to be moment to moment. Do you have a solid structure for your home? It seems to me that is the one thing that helps across the board no matter what the difficulty is.
Are pick ups at a set time? Could you set her up with a favorite show that is only used for that time- or maybe a computer game? Something that may engage her enough to get you through pick up?
What is her currency?? The thing that motivates her?