$300 per incidence of sending a child to me in a pull up (not allowed here) that will NEVER contain the child's massive poops that happen 10 minutes after drop off.

$1000 per incidence of sending a child to daycare in underwear who isn't potty trained. $1000 more when I find out about underwear by seeing a wet spot on my couch under your child.

$25,000 for asking me to hold your check for 2 weeks because you would like some extra spending money while on your trip to paradise (while I am wondering how people can afford vacations).

$1000 for each incidence of "I didn't know that she was sick" when your child gets sick at 11:30 am every.dang.time. $5000 When you ask if same child can return the next morning after puking on my carpet while pooping her underwear, especially after hearing "i had medicine this morning" after the vomit, and the child was diagnosed with Ebola at the doctor the afternoon before (No, Susan, I do not miss having you as a client).


Stupid surcharge of 6 hits by me with a broom for every time you leave my front door open and let the puppy out. This will multiply by 3 with each incidence. It will multiply by 20 and be accompanied by a monetary fine for when this happens and you don't bother to tell me that puppy is running around the neighborhood because of you.

Surcharge of $100 and penalty of me tattooing reminder on your face for each day you "forget" to return necessary paperwork.

I could do this all day. LOL.

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