Originally Posted by Unregistered:
But is it age appropriate to give a 22 month old the power/choice to refuse all options at multiple stores until the CHILD decides they find something they like/want? That was the case in this situation.
I guess what I am getting at, is I am surprised/shocked at parents giving children, at such young ages, so much say so in decisions about everything in their lives. Not just clothes/shoes, but food they want for meals, bedtimes, etc.
I totally understand listening to your children's opinions and giving them choices as they age, but I feel like some parents go over the top with this and let the children "run the show".
I have two young teenagers, and yes, we have been to multiple stores looking for certain clothes, shoes, etc that they have wanted at times. As toddlers and even preschoolers though, I bought things for them and they wore them, made meals that they ate/didn't eat, put them to bed when we decided it was bedtime. Kids are always going to resist and push back with things, but it is up to the parent to stand firm and follow through. If there is no follow through, the children quickly learn to continue to resist until they get what they want.
I know this is on a whole different level because it involves health, but here is one more situation I had years back.
I had a 6 yo old in care who had a lot of issues with her tonsils. (strep throat, tonsillitis, enlarged tonsils, trouble swallowing food, etc) Dad would tell her that some day she might have to get her tonsils removed because they were causing a lot of problems. Mom (parents are divorced) would tell the child that she wouldn't need to have them removed if she didn't want to. The child would tell me "I don't want to have my tonsils taken out and mom told me it was my decision, so I don't have to do it." I never heard what ended up happening because they moved on after her Kindergarten year.
It really does depend! I am a parent who is very strict with things like food, bed time, tv time etc. And some things I am willing to bend on. I have taken my kid to two different stores to find the right shoes....I have also left the store with nothing if she could not choose and we don’t have time to go elsewhere. I am not the type of parent who would ever let their kid go anywhere in their PJs but I understand not wanting to have that battle.
I agree wholeheartedly that some parents are ruled by their kids. I see it all the time and their kids are anxiety ridden wrecks because they do not have any structure. Some parents try to balance structure with autonomy/independence if that makes sense. For me bed time and food is a non negotiable, getting dressed when you go somewhere, brushing your hair every day....my kids never cry because they know it gets them nowhere
I think giving your kid the choice over a medical procedure is bizarre for sure!