I am doing ok. I closed on March 25 after my doctor told me I must. I am older with a risk factor. Because my handbook says that if I am closed, they don't pay (boy will that change!), Mom won't pay. The original plan was that I would stay open until forced to close, but since she is essential, I would still be working. I was so glad he said that.

I lost my husband in January after a really hard couple of years taking care of him and these kids. The hours, the stress, the grief were taking a toll on me. I feel better, and more contented that I have in a couple of years, when he first got sick.

I haven't been paid in nearly a month, and I am doing ok with just my social security. I would like to find a part time job and close the daycare. I can make almost as much in 20 hours as I am making in 60 hours now. Without wanting to be home with my husband, I don't see any reason to re-open. Except. Small town. Few jobs, especially after this. I suspect people will be fighting for jobs. And I have been self employed since 1980. I don't even know how to apply for a job. But, I think I am burned out, and ready for a change. I'm not making a decision now, and will probably open up long enough for her to find new care. Which is probably impossible in this town.

As for me, I am as happy as I expect I will ever be without my husband. My happiness level was always a 9 or 10. When he started getting sick, it dropped accordingly. By Christmas, it was a 2. After I lost him, it was a zero. I went back to work 4 days later, because dcm needed me. But, since I closed down, even though I am here alone, I am very contented. I would rather have my husband here, as he was 3 or 4 years ago, but I have to be thankful that he isn't having to deal with what would be a nightmare for him right now.

I have been cleaning everything that was neglected the past 2 years. You no longer have to leap backward when you open a closet. And I am just getting started. I don't see myself doing this past summer at the very latest.

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