You said: He is one who doesn't like to be put down (a fault of my husband and me not putting him down) and struggles to play by himself.

He doesn't like to be put down means that he has to have his own adult holding him up

He struggles to play by himself means that he has to have his own adult to entertain him.

Those don't work in a group care situation friend.

Think about this. Would it be okay with you if the other children in his care of any age... baby... toddler... preschooler... HAD to have their own adult in order for them to be happy and there was only one adult? Would you want your son to be in THAT group of kids?

What providers are being faced with is having nearly every kid that comes into care now needs their own adult. Your situation is the RULE not the exception. It's not just babies and toddlers as in your past and current situation... it's now preschoolers and school aged kids too.

ALL of the ages of these kids need their own adult in order to be happy. The problem is that in most care situations there is one adult with a group of kids who need that adult just for them.

In your first day care situation he needed his own adult because he was a baby. Now he needs his own adult because he has separation anxiety and has had at least four different care arrangements in the last five months. The other kids in your kids care need their own adult because they are babies, have anxiety, they bite, they hit, they fight, their bored,... they have ADD, ADHD, ODD, and on and on and on.

There's endless real reasons why kids need their own adult but the problem is most families can't afford it. Child care is where the "child who needs their own adult" meets the reality of "one adult for five children who ALL need their own adult".

You know now... five months into this that it doesn't work. You really need to figure out if he REALLY needs one to one or if it's just that he WANTS one to one. Trust me on this: nearly EVERY kid I have ever met in my 31 year child care career WANTS their own adult. The WANT is almost universal.

If he doesn't have any medical reason for needing one to one care then it is up to YOU and Daddy to work with him to get the demanding behavior stopped. If you don't do that you are going to go thru provider after provider.

It's not healthy for a provider to be around a child that cries when all of their needs are being met and they are treated with love and kindness. It's too hard on any adult to deal with that day after day. You don't want a provider to snap in a moment of overwhelming frustration and do something that will change everyones life from that day on.

It's time to get some REAL help and get this solved. He's been thru WAY too many care situations since you went back to work. You need a SOLID experienced provider who is going to be HONEST with you and tell you the truth of what he is doing AS IT IS HAPPENING. You and Daddy are going to have to start seeing thru his behavior and asking yourself "if I had four other kids could I allow him this?" "Could I hold him... walk him... rock him.. play with him all of his waking hours and do this with five other kids who want the exact same thing?"

If the answer is NO then you have to SAY NO and don't allow him to consume every waking second. He is old enough to get down on the floor and entertain himself. He's most likely walking and he needs to get on the floor and let gravity do it's job. He should be off and running and entertaining himself for LONG periods of time.

When you hold him... hold him SITTING DOWN without any motion. Get him used to not having motion consulation... which includes NOT holding him while walking around. You can hold him all you want but do it ON THE FLOOR.

Once you start consoling him ON THE FLOOR in your arms he will show you right away whether or not he REALLY needs it. If he rejects your comfort because you are not picking him up and moving him then he did not need your comfort in the first place. If there is really something wrong he will accept your holding him DOWN on the floor in your lap.

Give him a toy area and have him have at it without you playing with him. He is definitely old enough to go play toys without any involvement from you. Do whatever it is you do when you have him play and don't rescue him away from "go play toys" by playing with him.

I would make sure he doesn't have ANY battery operated toys or any toys that make lights and sounds. They set the standard of entertainment so high that he's not going to like being in a group of kids playing and not having a bunch of noise and distraction going on. Start by having NO screen toys or electronic toys in his play.

Put him to bed WIDE awake every night. Do not use motion to get him to sleep. He needs time to settle his own brain down... from fully awake to asleep without ANY motion or adult.

If I think of other things I'll post back to this thread... feel free to p.m. me if I can help with anything else.

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