Dcb3.5 has been with me for 2 years now. I've watched him grow up as a sweet, loving toddler to an angry, explosive preschooler. Here's a tiny bit of his backstory(I'll try to keep it unbiased, but I'm human):

Dcb is the youngest of two boys, older brother is 5 years older and in elementary school. Mom & Dad both interviewed, said they were separated but friendly. For about a year I saw mom only, finally found out it was because dad was in jail. When he got out about a year ago, he started hanging out with the boys more. Dcb told him about how angry dad was, mom showed up with a black eye one day, and older brother told the counselor at school a few months ago that when his parents were fighting, he took his little bro in his room and turned the tv on. As my dcb grew older, I noticed behaviors happening. He became very sullen and withdrawn at times, he would take things and hide them in his pockets (I so hate to use the world steal, but he did try to take everything home), he began to throw fits. The last few months he's been throwing huge tantrums and screaming and crying, sometimes throwing up. I've been moving him to the couch and sitting next to him, and not talking. When he stops crying, I ask him for a hug and we talk through what happened, and try to name emotions. Fast forward to today, he threw the absolute mother of all fits when I asked him to put away the lego gun he had made (we do not play with any weapons or pretend weapons and he's known this for years, but he has dozens of play guns at home), and when I tried to move him to the couch he punched me in the eye. I was shocked, so I put him on the couch and quickly walked away before I lost my cool.

I called him mom and asked her to pick up. She said she couldn't, but his dad could and she would send him over. Here's the tricky part. I told her that wouldn't be a good idea considering the high state of anger dcb was in. I feel that dad is a huge influence in how this boy reacts to situations (but tactfully didn't mention this to mom). I then asked her to check with her insurance and find a good counselor that can help us sort through these problems. I offered to write down every detail of the tantrums I see so that we can find a way to diffuse the bomb before it happens.

Have any of you ever been through this? Can you please analyze my approach and tell me what I can do better? This poor boy is in agony, and I know he feels completely out of control. My heart is breaking into pieces for him, but my brain keeps telling me to step back and I can't solve everyone's problems. Help please!

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