Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't know Black. I think this is the perfect place to put out potential scenarios of parental response especially when you have seen or had these experiences in the past with multiple families and multiple caregivers.
I think this IS the place to say.... X could happen. Y could happen. Watch out for XY and Z.
Where else can you go for that? Where else on the net can you tap into experience of many providers at many different levels of education and experience?
My first paragraph to her was: You know your client, your business, and this baby. You know what's best for everyone and the way to communicate with your client.
That says it all in respect and support. SHE knows best.
My response was to get her to think specifically about the ramifications of putting specific "I" statements in writing, putting specific examples of crying, how these statements could come back to haunt her in the future should be the unlucky recipient of a child who has been harmed before he was brought into her care, and the possibility that the medical angle may draw this out for a while if there isn't anything really wrong with the kid.
Those things NEED to be discussed. If we can't do that how can we learn from each other?
I wrote out a VERY long response last night to describe a common cycle of parents behavior when they are either let go or given the news that they may be let go. It took me over an hour to write.
I decided to delete it and not post it because I don't want to disrespect the notion that she knows best.
Is it best to describe what your experience is specifically in a situation like this... or is it better to watch it unfold and say "sorry that happened to you"?
Nan~ You are right, you did say she does know her client best, and I agree 1000% that this is the place to have all the possible scenarios presented so we can make an educated decision. But I still feel as though alot of the advice posted on this forum is presented in a manner that is jaded and pessimistic about parents in general. I respect you tremendously for the wealth of info and knowledge you have in the field and how well you can see all angels of a situation but at the same time, sometimes support is all a provider is looking for.
Sometimes providers don't want to hear all the what ifs and all the different scenarios. I think sometimes a provider just wants to hear that they did what was best for them. I know realistically we should point out all the different things that could and do go wrong but doing that sometimes puts an air of superiority out there and makes the whole feel of the post and forum in general to be unsupportive and cold. kwim?
I've been in this biz a long time too and I really do have side to me that questions everything and looks at all the possible outcomes but at the same I think that side grew in me because of the experiences I have had in the past two decades (good and bad). It isn't knowledge any one could have told me or given me. It was knowledge I learned the hard way and knowledge that is now mine because I put my time in.
Maybe posters just need to be more specific in what it is they want....advice, some different angles, simply a pat on the back....IDK, but I have referred a lot of providers and parents to this forum as of late, and the biggest thing I keep getting in return for feedback is that this place is not very supportive or helpful and that the negative overtones make it a place that doesn't seem to be helpful but rather a "devil's advocate" type atmosphere. So maybe it isn't the responses but it is the postings in general....like I said, I don't know and it is hard to get points across when not being able to use tone or feeling other than !!!!'s which to me just said the OP was really feeling helpless and strongly about wanting to fix the situation.
I also disagree about her "I" statements....I think we should always speak that way. We are taught to argue constructively by using effective communication and one of the biggest effective communication skills we have is those "I" statements. Using anything but how "I" feel is projecting blame or responsibilty to others. We are only responsible for how we feel. We can only change how we feel and how we act or react. We have no control over how another person feels or acts thus using "I" when presenting a situation is the most constructive form of communicating.
Maybe I should have started a new thread an not hijacked blessedmess8's thread (My apologies blessedmess8
) but I was just suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that the responses she got weren't the responses she was looking for. (I do NOT mean to speak for you either blessedmess8) IDK, maybe I am "hearing" her wrong but that is just the feeling I got.....combined with a rather in-depth conversation I had with a few provider friends and a couple parents I have been talking about in regards to this forum and the atmosphere it has.
I have noticed a few old and endless threads that are popping up recently and it seems that the same song and dance just keeps getting played over and over and it is unregistered people attacking members and members doing basically the same thing right back. There have been tons of threads asking about why we have an open forum and why unregistered's are allowed on here and it has been said over and over again that Michael wants it that way so providers and parents can learn and share with each other....yet it seems it is "us vs. them" all the time.
Maybe we, as providers, should only be posting in the "closed" section (which would deny parents the ability to learn from our experiences) or maybe we should all simply take the time to reread and really think about what it is we are saying and how we are saying it. (Like you said about the long post you wrote and then deleted because of how you felt the OP would take incorrectly).
As you can see, I am really having a tough time with this as I have the unfortunate ability to always see all sides of a situation and that in itself gets me in trouble sometimes.
I also agree that you do need to present ALL the scenarios and I agree that it is a wealth of information. I also agree that we need to discuss these things but then how come, I feel like this forum isn't that? I am obviously not alone in this feeling as pp's have posted.