Originally Posted by nannyde:
Or we have a generation of children who get to act horribly with their parents and in "public" with nothing of consequence happening to them. The only consequence we are allowed to exact is time out. Time out is a very ineffective technique. It's especially ineffective when it's limited to a couple of minutes and done out in the open where the child can still see and hear what is going on in the room. It means nothing to most children.
One of the worst possible adult responses to children misbehaving is distraction. Distraction does nothing but buy you the moment. This is why the OP isn't having any consistency when she is able to change their minds now and then. Distraction is a REWARD for bad behavior.
Nan
I do agree with this assessment. When I was growing up, if I got into trouble with an adult (teacher, grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc.), I got in trouble with my parents. There was none of this, "(gasp) How dare you say such horrible things about MY precious little angel!?" Adults supported each other and understood that children misbehave and that misbehavior needed correction not defensiveness. It was part of the "growing up" process. Now, it is considered offensive to suggest to a parent that his/her child may have a real problem, which further escalates the issue because the treatment is delayed because of parental defensiveness and the resulting negligence.
Obviously, I do not spank or swat or use any discipline like that with my daycare kids, but I have noticed that many providers have mentioned that they do "swat" their own children from time to time. Now, I do not want a debate over physical punishment or not - it's irrelevant because it is illegal (at least in MI) in this industry. However, in a discipline course I took a few months back, they were saying that "time-out" was too harsh and bordering on abusive. What does that leave us? We keep getting told what NOT to do, which results in the situation such as the one the original poster described. Are we creating an environment where children (even very young children) are allowed to do whatever they want, regardless of how harmful or dangerous it is, simply because saying "no" becomes abusive or "too harsh"?
We are on a very slippery slope which seems like it will end with the inmates running the asylum. And how do you form a civilized society when you are caving into the weakest link (the youngest, most immature, most ignorant, etc.) of our society?
Why can't government stop telling us what NOT to do and just give us real useful tools and techniques THAT WORK! Of course, that just might put us back into the 1950's where a swat was considered the "responsible" course of action to correct behavior issues. (Again not saying whether it's right or wrong). I'm just pointing out that parents and caregivers did not seem to have a problem with this type of stuff as often until many or most of these discipline techniques were described as abusive.