I think arguing is actually OK to an extent-it teaches them to use their voice and stand up for themselves. But follow the rules of being respectful (no put downs, yelling, hitting). I used to tell staff it may look like I am ignoring or not listening, but I am listening to see if and how they solve their problem before I intervene. I also told them to give arguments a moment to see if they can be self reliant over adult intervention. Here are some things I do:
*back and forth* are you getting anywhere? Use your words.
"He started it" -ok then you end it
"Let me handle one problem. Follow the Kelso Wheel for problem solving-pick 2. You retaliate, now I am solving your problem not theirs."

Also sometimes figuring out each point of views and using my words to convey the thoughts help with their communication to each other to understand each other.


OP-what do you do for your son? My daughter has major emotional issues. 7 years old, multiple violent tantrums a day-makes childcare hard.

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