Originally Posted by Hmorsag:
I have a situation with a 4 year old and need some advise. CHild has been at our center (off and on for about 6 months). The past 4 weeks or so have been really rough. The child is spitting on teachers, hitting them and just being defiant. He doesn't like it when he doesn't get his way and he hates having to sit still during nap time.
We have tried pulling him out of the room and having talks with him in the office after episodes. We have tried time outs, we have tried revoking privileges (like being line leader or getting to go out on the playground). We have tried having him work with a different teacher.
Each time we talk to him he seems remorseful and says he will do better. But inevitably he ends up having a tantrum again.
I am at my wits end on what to do and my staff is getting extremely frustrated as well. His mothers says he doesn't act like this at home - so she is at a loss too. She now seems to be getting angry at me that the issues are occurring. And I feel bad that we haven't been able to fix the problem.
Any other suggestions on what to do to resolve tantrums. Or do I just cut my losses and term the agreement?
When my daughter was in second grade I found out she was misbehaving at school to a much larger degree than at home. We were alread going to a psychologist with her. The psychologist asked if we talked to her about her adoption often. I said...it's an open book.....we talk about it whenever she brings it up. He suggested we ask her about it because maybe she is in a new stage of development. So.....we talked with her and told her we would answer any question she had....and that if we didn't know the answer....we would try to find out. Well, she floored us with this......"If you decide you don't want me anymore....will you just send me back to the adoption agency or back to my birthmom?" We then explained that when we adopted her she would be our forever daughter and we would love her forever. She was behaving better at home than at school because she was afraid we would give her back. You just never know what is going on in their heads sometimes.