Without reading all of the posts I will only say this (because BlackCat pretty much already explains a great way to explain it to parents):

Unless you have a court order which clearly states who cannot pick the child up explain to DCM that you cannot decide who can or cannot pick the child up. Leave it up to them to decide among themselves what to do and have them give you ANY instructions in writing with BOTH parent signatures to show that they have both agreed. If they don't both agree with whatever the issue is then don't take sides and don't commit yourself to anything.

In most (if not all) states no parent has more say than the other until it is written in a court order otherwise. For example, if a couple splits up and there is no court order for child custody either parent can have access to their child at any time no matter what. Either parent can simply take the child and not contact the other parent and not return the child. At that point the only thing that the other parent can do is file for custody and attempt to get the child back that way.

I think Legally no parent can dictate who can or cannot pick up the child unless there is a court order which says so. If DCM removes the neighbor's name, DCD can simply add it back on (unless there is an order).

Once they go through the custody hearing and get their order require that you have a copy at daycare and keep it in the child's file. Personally, if both parents will have the child in your daycare on their days then I would have both parents sign a contract with the days that the court order says that they are assigned. They would each fill out their own completed paperwork which would be kept in the child's file and they would each give names of their own emergency contacts and people authorized to pick the child up. If the child needed to be picked up one day I would call the numbers on the form of the parent who's day it is.

If the parent's switch days, allow the child to spend extra time with the other parent, allow the other to pick-up/drop-off on the other parent's day etc. I'd require permission to do this all of this in writing.

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