Heidi,

Yes, I know he is using money to control me and I am sure he is enjoying controlling me. That's why I can't stand it when I have to ask him for money. I feel so degraded and belittled when I have to get money from him.

Until very recently, he used to demand that I provide things for my daughter that I honestly couldn't afford. Things like cable (which many single parents don't have), taking her out to eat when she didn't like what we had at home, giving her money to go to the movies, mall, etc. It is all normal pre-teen and teenager activities, but, as a single mother, I just couldn't afford. I would tell my ex-husband that I had to give her my gas and electric bill money for her activities, and he would just continue to demand that I give her money for whatever she wanted. I don't know why, but in the past month or so, he's stopped demanding my money for her and has been giving her his money for everything she asks for money for. SO, at least I don't have to give her my money now. But like I said, it wasn't that I had extra money to give her. I was just not paying my bills on time. So, with him giving her money instead of making me give her money, I can start paying my bills on time. But I still don't have extra money to pay my debt down or save towards moving. She recently got hired for a job, so soon, she will have her own spending money.

He physically, mentally, and verbally abused me for years when we were married. He mentally and verbally abused our younger daughter, and although he didn't directly abuse our older daughter, she witnessed pretty much everything he did to me our younger daughter, therefore, she was also mentally abused by him. I called Child Protective Services then about him and they said that they couldn't do anything about the things he did, said, and allowed the children to see him do to me. Apparently, at least, at that time, there was no such thing as mental child abuse or verbal child abuse. I did, finally become able to get him out of the house and divorce him.

As far as getting on a program that would help me now. I have called around and talked to different agencies, and talked with women who have been in situations like mine. Everyone has told me that the only way to get help is if my daughter and I were homeless for a full year and stayed in a homeless shelter that keeps track of you staying there at night. We would have to be homeless and have a record from the homeless shelter that we slept there every night for a year before a program would help us.

I am not willing to make my daughter be homeless for a year and I know my ex-husband would fight for custody of her if I became homeless. So, I have to figure this all out relying on myself with no major help from a program. I do have free government health insurance for my daughter and myself though. We used to have food stamps until my daughter turned 16 years old and didn't have a job. Here, if your child's 16, they are required to have a job and their income is included in your family's income to receive food stamps. She had been looking for a job since she was 15, but had been unable to get hired anywhere. She recently got hired at a local restaurant, but they aren't going to have her actually start working until after the holidays. We have to wait until she gets her first paycheck to take the paycheck stub to Department of Social Services as proof of her employment and income. Then I can re-apply for food stamps.

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