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nannyde 02:56 PM 11-22-2011
Originally Posted by BigMama:
Question: Isn't the point of her "technique" that the parents are playing with their children? Isn't part of her method having the parents engage the children? Why do you think that is bad? Or am I misunderstanding you?
Because they didn't have problems with the kids before the show when the adults are entertaining them and playing with them. As long as the adults are hitched to their minute to minute happiness doing new and special they are all good.

Notice that the filming they do when the kids are going ballistic is when the parents are saying you must...

you must sit at the table and eat a proper dinner
you must entertain yourself while I cook supper
you must go to bed
you must pick up your room
you must get in the car
you must stay near the cart in the store and keep your hands to yourself
you must get dressed


I'm saying they don't film her techniques after she leaves ... months down the road... and find out how her techniques work with the "you musts" of life.

That's what makes the difference. That's what's hard. It's not hard to get kids to behave when you are doing something adult generated, adult participated, and NEW... exciting and fun.

Her formula makes it possible to film a happy ending as long as the adults are doing special special.

Many of the familes she worked with actually had a LOT of adult involvement with the kids. Adults doing as the child wanted... not children doing what the adults want.... doing WHATEVER it takes so the child doesn't cry.

That's WAY more work over the long run then making them behave and be decent people. The long run isn't what the kid is after. The kids is after right now. Her formula has the adults doing NEW special special on top of right now... and it looks great on tape. It's empty and doesn't work because all she is adding into their life is a layer of new and special. She's not REALLY dealing with the no cry parenting or the peace at any price.

There HAS to be a reason why she is NOT going back and filming these kids years down the line. That's the LOGICAL thing to do when you come in and transform a family. It's just like the hoarders... you don't see filming a year from now because cleaning it up superficially doesn't get to the root of the hoarding.

I'm not saying all of her techniques don't work. I can see the old school british nanny thing in her approach. I like how over time she got more froggy with the parents ... more Dr Phillish. I like her ideas of respect.

I specifically don't agree with the minute for time out.
I don't agree with getting down to the childs level in discipline
I don't agree with reward charts.
I don't agree with the "sorry" part of the end of time out.

I think she has missed a helacious opportunity to dispel the idea that fathers are "helping" the mothers when they cook, clean, do laundry, and care for the kids. When men are doing housework and child care for the family it is their JOB ... they are not helpers. I would have much rather seen THAT be the take away from her shows then the "minute for each age" for time out as the fundamental discipline technique.

When I watch her shows I pretty much just watch the crazy kid part. I think that's interesting. Once it gets to the part where the kid sucker punches the Mom and kicks her in the face... and they end up on a step for three minutes and say they are "sorry" ... I'm done.
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