Originally Posted by SpringBear:
I'm going to have to differ in opinion. If this family moved back in with (grand)parents, something is going on that is causing some stress and maybe trauma. THAT is the reason for the boy's regression, not mom "giving in" to him. The mom is being responsive and connecting. That's not a bad thing. When caring for children who go through trauma, the best practice IS attachment parenting. Carrying, holding, in whatever way possible no matter what age. I have a foster child, 11, and I don't pick her up, but we spend hours with her in my arms. It's what they need. Children can't reach the next developmental stage until their needs (emotional, physical, developmentally) have been met at the stage their in. It doesn't matter what stage you feel they "should" be in.
That being said, I think it's fair to set that boundary for yourself, I am not going to be carrying a 4.5 year old around. But do not criticize her parenting techniques. Perhaps commend it "I think it's great that you are responding to your child's needs as he goes through this stressful time, and you're able and willing to hold and carry him, however I am not going to do carry a child this age at my program. I am happy to sit on the floor/couch/etc and hold him for a few minutes to help him transition."
And PLEASE educate yourself on taking care of children who have gone through trauma. It is more common than you think, and "tough love" is not the answer!
Also most childcare programs require you are able to lift 50 pounds, with the expectation that you can carry children up to that weight. Maybe not day in and day out, but when they need it, emotionally, occasionally, and certainly in an emergency.
The parents divorced 5 years ago and they moved in with dcm’s parents. Dad has not been in the picture since. Dcb has grown up at that house. There’s definitely no trauma situation going on. She’s repeatedly stated he’s her “last one” and she’s having a hard time with the thought of both her kiddos being in school.