This is a mother that wants to see her child upset because it means she is loved. If her child is not upset, well that means she is not loved. I remember dropping my kid off at preschool praying my daughter would not cry and I was so happy that she didn’t! I do not understand parents that want their kids to be upset when they leave.

The best thing to do here is to educate her. Explain attachment styles and what they mean (a good attachment to the mother means the child is able to explore on her own, will get upset, or not, when mom leaves but can easily be comforted and move on). Also explain that her not crying, or being easily comforted, is a good sign that she has a good attachment with mom which is a GOOD thing. People really do not know this! Also let her know that by mom not feeling safe with her in care, baby will not feel safe in care....so mom has to leave quickly and confidently. I would flat out ask her “do you feel safe with her here? If you don’t you may want to think about putting her somewhere else”.

I had a child who was very insecurely attached. She cried and was very difficult to console all day long. Dad was a VERY anxious parent and coddled her a lot, so at first drop off went ok but as soon as she started crying at drop off, dad was asking to stay for a bit. I had to explain all of the above to him. He started dropping off quickly but unfortunately because she did not have a secure attachment she never could recover. I termed two weeks in as it was just too difficult on me and the other kids.

Reply