Op- I didn't see a single person blaming your daughter.

As a less experienced provider, you really have NO IDEA how hard it is for a provider to discuss behavioral challenges with a parent. It sounds like this is (atypical) not normal behavior FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.

I agree with Black cat.

I would also ask provider if she can get together for a conference after hours, and go over what you're doing at home, what you're willing to do, what the doctor said (and bring documentation, if necessary). Ask provider what's going on at DC, and what she's willing/capable of doing to assist your daughter. TELL her you're working with her, but ask if it's beyond manageable. It's ok to part ways if it's in your child's best interest.

MANY providers (that would charge similar rates) operate a more structured program with similarly aged kids (eg I run 18m-5 years but I only take one under 2, so my kids that start at 18m ARE the baby here (and treated like it!), for a good 6 months). It gives them a wonderful opportunity to learn from the bigger kids, and my big kids learn patience and kindness towards their younger classmate.

Reply