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Old 02-05-2013, 01:06 PM
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DaisyMamma DaisyMamma is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,239

Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa View Post
It is a marriage problem, it is a respect thing. He doesn't respect your business as a profession period. If he feels that his house needs to simply be his house then it's time you offered him that option. Here's how MY conversation with my husband would go....

"Okay so I've been thinking about how daycare is effecting everyone in this home so I'm letting you know that I'm giving myself two months to find another job and quit daycare. That should hopefully give me enough time to find work and for my DC families to find new daycares. The stress of having you disrespect my business is taking too big a toll on me and since it's obvious that you are not going to make simple changes to abide by my daycare job rules then I have no other choice other than to just stop doing daycare. Doing daycare is too stressful on me when you intentionally do things that make it harder for me in daycare and daycare is obviously stressful on you otherwise why would you do these things intentionally. The obvious solution is to remove the problem .... daycare. I refuse to do daycare when you and the kids are so obviously against it. In the better interest of our family I think this solution is best.

What do you want to do about the kids? We will need daycare for them so that I can return to work. 6yo DD needs after school and 3yo DD needs full-time daycare meaning that we will easily be spending $200-$250 for daycare. I can get a job that pays $400-$500 a week which means that I will be bringing home approximately $200-$250 a week from working a regular job. I think that during the next 2 months it is a good idea to start cutting out unnecessary things like cable, internet, eating out and anywhere else we can in order to get used to living without that extra $750-$800 that I get from daycare. Either you or I should also try to get a second job in the evenings and nights or on weekends while the other one of us watches, feeds, bathes, helps with homework and stuff with the kids. This will help us add a little more income to help us pay the bills...."

Etc. I know you don't want your 3yo child to go to another daycare but I think if you approach it in this way you will give him a different perspective.

If at that point he still doesn't see how difficult his behavior and his attitude towards your business is affecting you then at that point ask yourself if you are willing to make one of these choices:
  • Are you willing to let the behavior continue in order to continue to do daycare and to keep receiving the extra income and just accept that this is the way that things are and will continue to be?
  • Are you willing to stop doing daycare and have less income coming in meaning that you will have to put your children in childcare and may have to struggle a little more financially or at minimum not live as your were financially used to while doing daycare?
  • Are you willing to walk away from your husband to continue to do daycare so that his behavior no longer effects you while you do daycare?

I know the last one is a drastic choice that is probably not even something that you are even contemplating but it is a choice. The other two options are really the ones that you are more likely to have to choose from. Either you accept that things will continue as they have been or you do something to change it. Tough choices for sure if your spouse isn't willing to make any changes himself.
I'm not willing to let the behavior continue. Won't choose this option.
I'm not interested in making a measly $200/week and putting my own kids in daycare. Won't choose this option till 3yo goes to K.
Yes, I've been contemplating leaving with my kids and the daycare. I mentioned this and he said "good" though he was mad and says mean things when he's mad.
Other options
Finishing a basement room for daycare use with private entrance.
Moving the daycare to a rental house.
Changing around the daycare use areas and changing daycare hours.

I'm going to get some estimates on finishing the basement. I'm going to take your advice on what to say when we can speak to eachother rationally.
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