It sounds like this is ignorance on the parents' part? Everybody is pushing academics down providers and parents' throats so yay, let's get our kids reading at an early age! But to heck with teaching self-help skills.
I would have a sit down talk with both parents and tell them what your expectations are and how you need them to help you as a team player, teach their ds these necessary skills to help him excel in school and group care. Was he in group care before? It sounds like he's either been babied or parents really have no clue.
Maybe find a chart of normal development in children around his age group, and find ways to help him reach those milestones together. Stress the fact you are all a team and you're not doing it alone.

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