In your case, I would intervene on your daughter's behalf BEFORE she gets mad enough to push. He is probably seeing you punish her for what HE does, and he wants to see that happen again and again. In this case, your daughter is being tormented and getting punished for finally coping with it in the only way she can. She's barely three; she's limited in what coping mechanisms she has at her disposal and she needs YOUR help to protect her from the torment.

Separate them as soon as you see DCB starting to torment her. Give her the words she needs to tell him to stop, to move away from her space, to get your help. Asking HER to move away isn't exactly fair; she's three and does NOT understand that concept. It's also not fair because then he will start doing it any time he wants to be where she is. HE needs to be the one who moves. Asking your daughter to ignore it is not okay either; she's too young, first of all, to be capable of such and thing, and the bottom line is that the boy's behavior is inappropriate and THAT'S what needs stopped.

If you don't get to them in time and she pushes him in retaliation, they BOTH need to be in time out. That's not the best way to handle it though. She's reacting in self-defense.

If you put this in terms of older children, he's bullying her--you, as the adult, need to stop HIM.

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