Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I never thought of it like this, thank you so much! And for the rest of the great advice.
I was mostly just ranting so it's nice to see I'm not just being whiny.
We're into the second week now. Last week I tried to accomodate but still make our rules clear. This week, it's daycare time. I absolutely do not deal with hitting, screaming or shrieking and right from the beginning I made it clear that this wouldn't be tolerated. So far, so good. There's still lots of following me around the room whining and reaching to be up then dropping to the the floor and "crying" if I pat their hand or back and say it's play time right now. All non-tear crying = a break in the reading corner with no words or attention until they are done. It's getting to the point now where the crying sounds stop before we even get to the pillows. There's some independent play starting too so we're getting there!
Nap time is the same. I will not hold the child for sleep - not even at the start of nap time. I completely emptied out a side area except for the child's sleeping mat and nap time things. At nap time the child goes into their area and I go over the gate into the other room to clean up. The last two days the child stood at the gate and stared at me for a while but eventually went and laid down then fell asleep on their own!
I'm also going to try to start speeding up pick up time. I have a written communication book with our daily rundown anyway. Just one hug goodbye then get your shoes on. And if I just hold and cuddle my own child, my kid is not bugging DCM, I'm not available for all the "kisses" goodbye and my baby gets some one-on-one attention 
Good for you! Sounds like this may work out after all.