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Indoorvoice 05:26 PM 09-18-2018
Originally Posted by kendallina:
He's behind developmentally?

In my experience there are two reasons why a child doesn't play. The first is because parents do EVERYTHING for them at home, including playing for and with them all.the.time.

The second reason that I've seen is because they have developmental issues. I currently have an almost 4-year old who had been with me for a year who sounds a lot like your little guy. This almost 4-year old will not play unless told to, won't get off his napmat until he's 'invited' (seriously, he's laid there awake while everyone's played around him for 45 minutes until my stubbornness wore off and I invited him to clean up and play). My little guy has tantrums if you say his name/don't straighten his underwear for him to put on, ask him to stop doing something, etc etc etc. He also can't cross his midline, can't rub his hands together while washing them, is speech delayed (is getting better), very behind with fine motor, etc etc. His parents have recently come to terms with him being behind and are getting him tested.

For the first kind of child, I'd make things in the classroom very exciting and fun and ignore any pouts/little cries/etc. Maybe I'd occassionally invite him to come play. A child who is developing normally will come play.

For the second kind of child, they need more help. It's not their fault. Things are often confusing for them. Even when do they play toys, they play them differently then other children. If they're sitting there holding a paintbrush not doing anything, they're probably not ready for that activity. For my little guy it's worked well to have a lot of patience with him (I don't show him my frustration, he can't handle it), be a lot of fun, try to engage in some way. I have a very very good relationship with him and I think that's part of the reason he's made so much progress while he's been here.

That's just my experience, not sure if it helps!
It does help, thanks! My little guy sounds just like your second example, HOWEVER I think he is a bit coddled at home at well. He is the the baby of the family and only boy and he is just never allowed to feel tough feelings or basically be expected to do anything. But he's still so young and it's just so hard to tell what's going on. I think where I'm stuck is that I can't decide if I should give him some tough love because he's just a bit spoiled, or if I need to be more tender and understanding because he's a bit behind. It's kind of hard to be both and there is possibly a bit both going on here!
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