OP here
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
OP also mentioned she does not have to work outside the home, she chooses to. That is a very privileged place to be and many times, makes a parent quite demanding. They know the provider is in desperate need of the income the parents provide (OP did say that) and that they themselves do not feel that same desperation to make this situation work (she also implied that) and the dynamics here create an imbalance of power. The parent knows that the provider will do a lot of one-on-one attention and hand holding in order to keep the income flowing. Obviously this other provider is doing this for the money. but that whole scenario is not something the OP is living with and it is hard to understand what that is like if you are not there. It is a very "first world problem" to be so fortunate that all your needs are met, probably many of your wants, and you have nothing more urgent on your plate to than to scrutinize every cry from your child.
I don't know that she's in desperate need of income; her house is much bigger than mine. Her cars are nicer than mine. The interior of her house is WAY better than mine. I live in a POS because I don't like to spend money on where I live. It's got holes in the ceilings from everything leaking, the carpet smelled of puke when we moved in, and a lot of the cabinets don't have doors. It's in the worst part of town. I don't own a tv. I don't have an ipad, iphone, or even a phone with a data plan. We don't make that much money but I have money to spend because I don't buy those things and my mortgage is cheap because we bought a pos that was repossessed. I'm sure they make more money then we do. Especially now that I quit my regular job to go back to school. But she does show an obvious want for money. I only take my daughter twice a week for four hours but she asked that I pay the fee for full time. Fine. I'll pay what she wants. I'm not worried about it being "fair." My daughter might not even be going technically full time, 35 hours/week, but I will still pay the full time price because I originally agreed to that. I plan on giving her a week's pay as a bonus over xmas, and we also pay for her time off. It might be that I've recognized a small weakness in her want of money but she too might recognize that I have no problem spending it if that's what motivates her. So in a way I feel we're pretty compatible.