She sounds like she's going through a lot and her life is difficult. While that's not your fault or problem, maybe she needs to be handled in a different way. Nonconfrontational, asking if there's anything you can do to help, empathy and understanding. Maybe you could talk with the director and see if there's any way you could make a box of extra clothes, outdoor wear, available to all so as to not single her out. I have a tub I've collected, yard sales, rummage sales, and such. Maybe you could suggest that?
I assume since she's living in a shelter, she's already been steered to local support groups but your director could check on that.
As far as the soiling situation, just be sincere and friendly towards her and explain that you didn't realize; things like that happen; and you'll keep a better eye out. Hopefully if she sees everyone reaching out to help her, her attitude will soften and she won't feel quite so alone and overwhelmed.

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