My 4 year old daughter is like that. She has been kicked out of daycare twice in the last year. The first daycare kicked her for not napping. She would lay on her mat for 2 hours awake as long as the daycare lady was in the room, but would get up and wake the other kids if she left the room. She switched to a new daycare that would let her stay up and watch TV during nap time. She was perfect until I finally got her baby sister in the new daycare. I was picking them up at two different daycares for months. Then the ratio of older kids to babies changed, she was again one of the oldest, and the daycare lady changed assistants. All of a sudden she became defiant at daycare. She has always been very stubborn, but now she just refuses to listen. At home we punish her if she doesn't listen. I admit we were a bit lax in giving too many chances but as soon as the daycare lady brought it to our attention, now we have a clear set of rules and conscequences and there are no warnings. If she throws a toy it is taken away immediately for the rest of the day. If she doesn't listen, we take away her lamp as she doesn't like being in the dark at night (not afraid, just doesn't like it). This seems to work at home, however, our daycare lady does not punish. If a kid hits another kids she will say firmly, we don't hit, and redirect. She will do this multiple times until after 5 or 6 times hitting, she will finally attempt a time-out. I guess with most of her kids she has never needed more than this and is not prepared to offer more discipline. Unfortunately she kept a lot of my daughter's difficulties minimized until she was completely fed up with her and gave us two weeks notice. Now that we are in our two weeks trying to find another daycare she tells me my daughter is so bad she will just get kicked out of another daycare so there is no point in my trying to find another daycare. She says her assistant hates my daughter. She tells me all this in front of my daughter.

I have explained to my daughter that she can't go and play at that daycare anymore because she misbehaved. I punish her anytime I pick her up after she has had a bad day, and reward and praise her when she has a good day. I always back up the daycare provider. I am not sure what else to do.

We have made an appointment with the pediatrician in the hopes of getting some behavioural therapy. She is a very loving girl that loves attention but is very stubborn and won't nap. Am I doomed to daycare hop until she starts school?

I understand the daycare lady's frustration, but at the same time, I do need daycare. I am trying a private daycare this time since the subsidized daycares are in very high demand here.

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