Originally Posted by Crazy8:
I usually always agree with you BlackCat, but not on this. Mom is saying she has a pretty strict up at 7am down at 7:30pm routine. I was not saying anything about going crazy in messing that up - just that it is pretty strict and a rather early bedtime to boot - that she can make some adjustments so dad can spend time with the kids AND it would include him doing the baths/stories to give her the break (not sure if she does that now or he does). I am all for schedules and routines but doing what is best for the FAMILY means giving dad some time with the kids, the kids well being will not be completely destroyed by going to an 8pm or even dare stretch to an 8:30pm bedtime. No one said let them stay up till 10-11pm with dad, we are talking about 30-60 min. here and if the kids are cranky that can easily be made up by letting them sleep a little later in the mornings or even extending nap 15-30 min. It really doesn't have to be one extreme or the other with routines. I WOULD bend over backwards to help my DH if he felt like he wasn't involved enough in our family. Maybe he DOES do things with them on weekends but still feels its not enough. I know if I was the parent working outside the home from 6am-6pm and my spouse insisted the kids be in bed at 7:30pm I wouldn't be feeling like I got to spend enough time with them.
I think some of you are missing my point......I NEVER said dad shouldn't spend time with his kids or shouldn't have the opportunity to or that the bed times HAVE to remain dead on. I am saying that if it is really important to him, there ARE ways he CAN be involved without completely disrupting their routines. (there have been plenty of examples listed in this thread...extending bed time a bit, bathing, story time etc).
I was merely commenting on the fact that everyone went "Oh wow! a dad who wants to be invovled, lets do anything and everything to make sure he can be just because dads aren't normally like that." THAT was what I was trying to say. We (as a society) tend to make excuses or exceptions for fathers but have a different set of standards for mothers.
This dad has options, along with compormising with his wife (OP) about bed times and routines and schedules, and if mom didnt do daycare, she wouldn't be seeing her kids as much either and honestly I kind of took the original post as maybe the dad is kind of jealous that he doesn't get to be home with the kids all day like OP does and I get that, but that doesn't mean he gets to be all disruptive because deep down, he is jealous of the time the mom gets with the kids.
He can take a personal day here and there...he can take off early one day, he can do things on Sat/Sun, he can do the hard parenting work of bathing, feeding, story time and bed time too NOT just get to play with them.
I think it is great that he wants to be more invovled and yes it is a rarity but honestly, I didn't take the whole situation as that was the only issue....OP drove that point home when she posted again about what DH
really wants is all the fun with none of the work and that is kind of what I felt was the real issue before she even said it.
Also on a side note, looking back as my own children are adults now, I think quality time is much more important than the quantity of time.
