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TwinKristi 12:13 PM 04-17-2014
Originally Posted by llpa:
I would let dcm of 13 mo dcb know that you are creating an action plan. She has a valid concern, even if it's only based on what she saw. Then I would create a plan where you are intervening ahead of his aggression if possible. If he does hit keep reminding him "hands are not for hitting etc" and if need be I would separate him to an area where he can see the others, but can't play with them. Every time he hits or hurts someone take him to his own playspace. I wouldn't make it seem like a bad thing as he is too young for time out but eventually he will make the connection that if you hit or hurt you do not get to join the fun. Help him practice gentle touching with you, stuffed animals and doll babies. It's typical of some children his age to be aggressive in their play. I don't know that you need to term yet without trying a plan first. Good luck!
I agree that I would start with this. Let mom of aggressive DCB know this is the PLAN. If this plan doesn't work, he will go bye-bye because you have parents who are concerned about their children, as are you. If with sitting back and watching them play he's becoming aggressive without a trigger, like he's just a rough player, then you need to have mom step in at home and push gentle hands or he's just not fit for your group. I have a little DCB who's delayed quite a bit, like a year behind where he should be, and he just doesn't understand his power and how it hurts people. He will roll on someone and pin them down not realizing they can't get up. He will mow someone down walking by them and not realize he does it. He doesn't go around hitting people or hurting them on purpose, but he doesn't understand social interaction well.
If all this DCB sees with interaction with others (or his cousins) is violence and "rough housing" then all he will every mimic is violence and rough housing.

Is he with you FT? What happened at drop-off that this took place? I suspect if nothing is triggering his violent behavior that it's a learned behavior he needs to unlearn. Teaching gentle hands was one of my FIRST things with my DS at 8mos when I had a 6mo old DCG. Then when he was 10 mos we got an 8mo old DCB and so on. We had to use gentle hands with our friends or be moved away. He was very mobile from an early age so it was tough but he's a very good boy now. His aggression peaked around 18-20 mos and he was biting one DCB in particular and it was rough but his WAS triggered and we had to interfere before that trigger went off.
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