I gotta disagree on this one. I think the popular culture response is attribution of parental behavior as "mothers guilt" or "fathers guilt" but I don't think that's really a common "feeling" anymore. Some Mom's may have it but I think it's actually quite rare.

What the OP described is: If anything goes wrong with the child, it's always the provider's fault. It couldn't possibly be the food, the schedule, the discipline techniques of the parents. No, it's always the provider's fault. I love each one of the children in my care and treat them as well if not better than even my own children. I'm so sad that I don't get the appreciation...

Parents feed kids junk food or fast food because it is EASIER to do that at the moment. Going home and preparing a fresh, healthy, meal and expecting your child to eat it is WORK. You have to have many many meals... meal after meal.. where your child is exposed to healthy food, sitting at a table, having table manners, EATING without fussing or wanting something else, not giving snacks to ruin the appetite etc. in order for a healthy diet to happen. Giving junk diets and "snack" diets is SO MUCH EASIER in EVERY way. THIS is why it is popular. The kids like to eat it, they don't fuss for something else, it takes little to no prep time... IT'S EASY.

Schedule: Kids on crappy schedules are allowed it because it is easier for the parent to do what they want when they want without minding a family based on the kids needs. It's easier to allow them to stay up when they need to be in bed because the kid doesn't fuss when they are allowed to do what they want to do. Parents allow messed up schedules because it's EASIER than the fight it takes and the self discipline it takes to keep your family on a good schedule and INSIST that children follow it.

Discipline: Parents allow kids to misbehave and rule their lives because at the moment it is EASIER for the parent. Giving a yes to the child gives the parents a YES on avoiding the conflict and the process it takes to get the kid to accept it and DO what they are told. Parents aren't allowing their kid to misbehave for the sake of the kid. They are doing it so the PARENT doesn't have to deal with the child's behavior.

What parents of today are suffering with isn't guilt. It's the consequence of "at the moment YES" parenting. A yes to the child + a yes to the parent = chaos in the family.

How do you spot a true "guilty parent"? Parents who "feel guilty" about being away from their children spend as much time as the possibly can WITH their children in order to make up for it. They don't take days off of work without their children home with them. They don't bring them early to day care so they can stop and get gas and coffee. They don't leave them in day care to the last possible minute day after day so they can "do errands". They spend their vacation days with their children and take their children on the vacations they go on. They keep their child home with THEM with the kid is sick and even when the parent is sick. They don't have evening babysitters and they don't have "grandma" or someone else caring for them on the weekends.

THAT'S the profile of a guilty parent. A parent who is guilty because they don't have the "time" with their kid makes up for it in time. A parent who has significant amount of awake TIME with their children are much less likely to allow poor eating habits, poor schedules, little discipline.

We need to stop attributing "guilt" where guilt is not present. Guilt is emotional and acceptable in our society. It's a way off the hook for accountability. It's the same kind of cultural response as "quality" time. There's no such thing as quality time. These kinds of societal responses allow a lack of accountability for your part in the true raising of your children. There's a HUGE difference between "guilt" parenting and "yes" parenting.

The LAST solution for YES parenting is to offer to take the kid for the parent to give them a break. That's the worse thing you can do. The best thing you can do is encourage the parent to MAN up and BE present for their child. There's no easy answer out of this because it was caused by easy in the first place.

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