I'm not a daycare provider. Rather I'm the parent of a 4 mo old who just started daycare last week. She has always been a very demanding child - wanting lots of attention and entertainment, and hating to be put down. We've been trying for a while to get her more used to putting her down and self-entertaining, but she doesn't really take to it much. It's hard to just let her cry, even with smoothing, especially because she's before the 6 month mark where people talk about that working. My wife may be a bit more of a softy than me, but it's not easy for me either.

This is making daycare harder on her, on us (esp my wife), and on the people who work there.

Everything (well almost everything) you read in parenting books and website says "you can't spoil a baby, you can't spoil a baby, you can't spoil a baby". "If they cry, comfort them, it's good for their development and self-confidence". "Being left to try can undermine their sense of self", etc. Or maybe it's just what I read, but I'm talking about major sites/books, like What to Expect, Baby Center, Baby411, etc. I feel mislead!! (I think?) Okay, maybe you can't make them a spoiled kid? But it sure seems you can set them up for getting 'accustomed to' unreasonable expectations?

But I also realize that in daycare they can't hold her all the time, and she's going to need to learn to self-soothe and not have the constant attention of multiple adults. I don't want her to get the reputation as the screaming difficult baby that none of the workers like. When she's happy she's adorable, communicative (coo'ing, etc), and friendly. But neither do I want it to be traumatizing on her, even if she won't explictly remember it later. Last week she brokje a blood vessel in her eye (presumably crying).

Further, when she gets home from daycare she's exhausted, so it doesn't seem like a time to be training/teaching anything in the evenings.

From your point of view on the other end of the situation, what should I be doing as a parent to help both her and her infant care teachers? While still not feeling like/being a horrible parent to her?

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