Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Blaming the mom is dated psychology. NannyDe's reason WHY the child acts out is messed up. I'd NEVER want someone reflecting these INNER qualities watching my child.
ON TO A BETTER UNDERSTANDING....
The child acts out because deep down he/she would rather be with the parent not a DC provider although you maybe great. The child can pick up on the adults (PARENT & DC WORKER) ambivalence about who is responsible for enforcing good behavior SINCE TWO BOSSE'S ARE IN THE ROOM. Some adults don't know. Do I correct my child? Or respect the boundaries of this house/school? And vice versa.
The babysitter don't want to correct the child in front of the parent so they look mean or whatever - so boom. A perfect storm for a child to express his/her upset at being left with a non-real parent and having to put on airs of cooperation all day. Now Mommy's here all is well and I can express how I really feel to be in this setting. No matter how wonderful.
The QUICK CHANGING OF THE GUARDS method is useful - YOU CAN ALSO correct the child's behavior right there (parent AND Babysitter together). When you (the Parent) get home correct it again and have a consequence in place.
I am appalled at the lack of united fronts lots of daycare/babysitter's have. It's like deep down inside they want to believe they are better than the parent can do a better job than the parent - well you can't and you don't.
MAKE SURE I'TS NOT YOU. I HATE some of the DC techniques of IGNORE A CHILD UNLESS THEY WHINE OR GIVE IN WHEN THEY WHINE. I don't do that at home and it's like they are showing mommy - see this is what I DO HERE TO GET WHAT I WANT lol. Do you see? As a play therapist mom - I taught my son to ask for what he want as early as two. All other setting did NOT acknowledge him unliess he WHINED WTHeck. Anyway disgruntled DC workers keep in mind.
Everyone is getting played.
All of my sons worst behavior emerged AFTER he went into DC And I had to find a place that didn't do that fake sing-songy thing when I'm in the room and act differently when I leave. You know how y'all do. Ignoring, texting, chatting, etc. Now I have to deal with passivity in DC workers ugh.
Do the reverse research and STOP commiserating against the parents - but woah you won't do that it's your bread and butter 
it reinforces the fantasy you would be a better parent to that child when you are just the babysitter.
NancyDE "whisperer" ha sounds like she stole some of her "theorizings" from Narcissistic Personality" research which is overdone on the web.
BTW my background is in psychology, play therapy, and I am a mom.
I have a BA in ECE, and am one class shy of my masters. What degrees do you hold or experience do you have SPECIFICALLY within child care?
I have 20+ years as a parent, degrees, certifications, and thousands of hours of continuing education, and have been a provider for over 10 years with the 1-5 age group. I have seen FAR more of this behavior than you have.
We often DO know better than a parent. It's also very easy for us to see things from an outside perspective and apply our wealth of knowledge and experience to every child.
It is either 1 of 2 things- the child holding it together will lash out specifically at the parent. Throwing shoes at them, kicking them, etc. The child displaying authority and showing off his power is the child terrorizing the room and not directing it at the parent. It often extends to kindergarten (as many providers will tell you, their new kindergarteners come back to dc and display the same type of behaviors). Have you ever heard of power play? Young children VERY MUCH SO understand power and the dynamic of it.
Sorry you had a poor dc experience. My children are fully engaged in play at their every awake moment and their growth and development reflects their experience. I don't use a generic sing song voice.
We do not commiserate AGAINST parents, our entire field(especially family child care) is based on forming a good relationship and helping the parent to raise the best possible human being.
The end.
Also, the correct contraction is doesn't, not don't. I had a hard time following your post in many places.