Sorry this is going to be very long!

From my experience you have to be careful with what you say to parents or else they complain that you are "complaining" about their child too much!

As an afternoon teacher I'm the one that usually has to talk to parents about their child's day and if there are any accident/incident reports to sign, I'm the one that has to explain the situation that happened. This is my 5th year working as an afternoon teacher and there have been only 3 complaints about me "complaining" about someones child. And each time has been very annoying to me!

The first one I got was 3 years ago. There was this little girl who was, for the most part, a very sweet, loving, happy little girl! I loved having her in our class. She was very good at listening and was very smart and usually would help me out. I also loved her mom (or at least at first)! She was the type of mom that wanted to talk to me about her daughter's day and was overall, a very nice and friendly lady. At first I felt really comfortable with talking to her about her daughter. I would tell her about the silly things she did and asked if she would do some of these things at home and sometimes we would share a good laugh. However, after a while her daughter started having a biting issue. It first started out with her getting a few biting incident reports a week and then mom seemed to get really concerned. She would ask me about if she had been trying to bite, what is she doing when this happens, and so on. I'm an honest person and if she asked me a question I was going to answer it for her. On days that she didn't bite, I told her she had an awesome day. On the days that she bit, her mom had to sign a form so I had to talk to her about it but I would try to tell her something positive about her day. One time her daughter bit because a friend put their finger in her mouth and she bit down. When I talked to mom that day about it, I told her I feel bad that that happened. After all, her friend decided to stick their finger in her mouth! I was starting to feel bad for the mom because I know she wasn't happy about having a biter and she was afraid her daughter might get kicked out. So I was trying to work with her and so was the morning teacher. I watched her daughter carefully to figure out why it was happening or when it was happening the most. Part of it was because of frustration because she wanted to play by herself and her friends didn't want to leave her alone. So in those situations the friends bugging her were getting in trouble. However, as soon as I had to start doing diaper changes all heck breaks loose because the little ones know I can't leave the changing table.

But anyways lets get to the end. Mom took her daughter to the doctor and found out she was teething. So mom brought some children's Tylenol for her, and told us that if she tries to bite, to give her some. Well we had no problem with that but where I work we have to have the parents sign a sheet each time we give their child medicine and explain why we gave it. Well one week she was doing great (went home with good reports) and then afternoon she tried to bite (this was the first time this week). Well I gave her some medicine and about 45 minutes later dad comes to pick up. Well I had to have him sign the sheet and I explained to him about how his wife told me that if she tries to bite to get her some medicine. He signed the sheet, and then I told him about how besides that one incident she had a great day! She was sharing toys (for the most part) and playing nicely with friends. Then I told him and the little girl goodbye and to have a great evening. Well the next day I came to work and the morning teacher told me that the parents are upset because they feel like they only hear about negative things and nothing good. I won't lie because that did tick me off! I'm sorry that their child has a biting issue and that mom asks me lots of questions and I answer then truthfully. I'm sorry that when she does bite I have to talk to them about it and have them sign a sheet. So the morning teacher told me about how I need to watch what I say and always try to state as many positive things as possible. Well after that talk, I never gave their child medicine again because I was afraid they would think I was complaining about their daughter being horrible. I also "lied" to them every time they asked about if she had been trying to bite and so on. And I felt bad for the little girl because her mouth hurt and I was afraid to deal with it anymore. Thankfully, we only had her for about 2 more months and then was moved up and then she was done with her teething. I was sad to have her move up because she really was a great child besides the biting incidents. When ever I saw the little girl I would also say hi and talk to her. Sometimes I would see her when mom was their to pick up and the little girl would run up to me and give me a hug or wave and smile.

Then I was complaint free until this year (both of these deal with pregnant moms). Well I this year I have a little boy who will actually be 2 this month. He has been her since he was a baby and I knew the afternoon baby room teacher fairly well. And everyone in the daycare knew this little boy was somewhat like a bully. Other teachers would see it walking by the baby room. They would see this little boy hit others, pull hair, take toys, and so on. Well they finally moved him up to the toddler 1 room and he at first he didn't pick on anyone but then it started up again. When he got in trouble he would pitch huge temper tantrums. His mom told us to just put him in a soft area to throw a fit. Well after the summer they moved him to my room where he was the oldest. We also got the little boy that this boy use to be very mean to. This boy is no saint! He gives me and the morning teacher a hard time! He doesn't listen worth a darn and likes to be mean to friends. However, when mom would pick up I wouldn't say anything bad unless, he was pitching a fit and he was in time out for something. But that was because mom would ask why he was in a timeout. But I would also say something, "but overall it was a good day" and always with a smile. Well one day he was being horrible! All morning long he had a hard time with hitting and not listening. He was finding it funny when he hurt a friend. He didn't improve that afternoon and that afternoon we were suppose to have an afternoon meeting with all the teachers. And we don't get paid after 5:30 so at 5:00 the director wanted us to go to the multi age room so she could talk to all of us as the children are getting picked up. And this also gave her the time to talk to parents. The meeting was about how 2 daycares in the area were in trouble. One daycare was taping children to chairs and the other one had a baby that was dropped. That teacher never told the parents what happened and the baby wasn't being really responsive. So the parents had to rush the baby to the hospital and it had to be life flighted some where else.

So the director wanted to go over with us about our rules (everyone was already following them). She also wanted us to tell her if we were concerned about any children and if we were she would talk to the parents and so on. Well it was 4:45 and it was time to clean up. One teacher was doing some last minute diaper changes and I was cleaning up the toys. I asked the kids to help me clean up and if they didn't want to, they needed to sit/play on the mat gently. Well this one little boy didn't want to help me clean up and wanted to keep dragging toys out. I kept asking him nicely to stop and I did this over and over and over again! He wouldn't stop so I put him on a time out for almost 2 minutes. After time out I had a talk with him, telling him that play time is over and that he needs to sit/play by his friends on the mat and he said "okay" (he can talk a little bit). Well I was putting away the last toy that was out and as I turned around I see the little boy starting to drag the toys out! At this point I raised my voice a little bit and used a sterner tone with him and said, "No sir *the boys name*, we are not getting the toys out. It is time to clean up". I wasn't screaming at him but of course mom walks in right after that. He son has trucks in his hands and then puts them down and runs to mom. I tried to talk to mom but she grabbed her son and rushed out the door. The director tried to say hi and mom still walked right past her. This mom is about 6 months pregnant at this point and I felt bad. The director comes in to ask what happened and the other teacher in the room spoke up first before I could. She explained that the boy wasn't listening repeatedly and that he had already taken a time out, and so on. The director looked shocked and then ran to catch up with mom. Then the director came back and said that the mom said, she knows that her son is a bad kid and that it is upsetting to hear someone telling her son "no" or "that isn't nice" almost every day.

I of course felt horrible because I don't want a parent to feel bad, especially a parent that is pregnant. The next day when she came in to pick up her son, I did apologize and told her that I didn't mean to make her upset. His mom explained to me that it was okay and joked with me saying that she thought her hormones may have got the best of her. And since then her and I still talk and we try to work through things. She has loosened up a bunch. Her son still has issues acting out and he has a bad habit of hitting (he hits teachers now) but I don't mention that unless there is a report that has to be signed. I don't even tell her about how sometimes I have come home and found a bruise on me from when he got angry and started to pitch a fit. I would just rather not make her upset.

And the last one just happened yesterday. I came into the classroom and the morning teacher was not happy with me. She was telling me that a parent came in crying saying that she felt that her daughter was welcome her and that she was bombarded with complaints lately. She even stated that was thinking about taking her child else where. (this parent is also pregnant). Of course I felt bad hearing this and thought about Thursday and I quickly figured out who it had to have been. After all, there was only one parent I had to talk to about an incident (a biting incident). It was the end of the day and I had only 2 children left and it was this little girl (she isn't usually the 2nd to last to leave) and the little boy that is the late leaver. Well the other afternoon teacher (the toddle 1 room afternoon teacher. We combine at the end to help each other out with cleaning) took the 2 kids with her on a walk. Especially since the little girl was upset (she obviously was upset because she felt like she should have been gone already). Well I gathered up the walkie talkies and the report that the bitee's parent had to sign, along with a sheet I was handed to fill out. I took the other report (the girl's bite report) and the daily sheets along.

Mom actually came into the office to drop off a check before going to get her daughter. There we 4 of us teachers in there (the closer, the closer's adult daughter who also works there, the floating teacher/cook, and me) and the floater spoke up after everyone of us said hi. The floater asked the mom if her daughter had been fussy at home lately. The mom told her that he daughter has been perfectly fine. Then the floater went on to say that the daughter had been giving the morning teacher a real hard time lately with being fussy. Especially when she doesn't get all the attention she wants and so on. Well keep in mind, I still need to tell mom about the bite report that happened that afternoon. So after the floater was done, I spoke up and told mom her daughter had a good day besides one bite incident. I told mom what happened and I told her that I talked to her daughter about how biting isn't nice and how we need to wait our turn to shut the play fridge door. And this is one of those moms that I have felt very comfortable talking to and she would sometimes joke with us and everything about what she would do at home. I also told her about how she was trying to share the only baby doll in the room with this one little boy who that is all he likes to play with. I told her how her daughter would take it at first, then the boy would cry. And then I told the girl to give it back nicely because the boy was said and she would. I told mom how proud I was of her doing that. Well mom went back to the fussy issue right before she left the office. Well the floater started to joke about how the morning teacher has spoiled the little girl and one other little boy with love and then jokingly called them little love monsters. Mom was out of the room at this point, I didn't say anything about that and left the office to grab my stuff and take the little boy for a walk so the other teacher could leave.

Well yesterday morning the mom came in crying (like I said) and spoke with the morning teacher and the director. The director didn't say anything to me (but then again I never saw her) but the other little boy the floater was talking about is the director's son. Well I ran into the floater later to talk with her about the situation. And she said the director didn't say anything to her and that when she ran into the director they were joking around. I'm still worried and feel horrible! I feel horrible that the mother doesn't feel like her daughter is welcomed, when in fact, I love her daughter! Yes her daughter has her moments and can be sassy. She is also a little girl who needs her sleep and if she doesn't get it you can forget about her doing anything. Her mom and I have talked/joked about this before. But I have talked to her mom many of times about some awesome/cute things he daughter does and how she is going around daycare getting boyfriends left and right. And since her mom has seemed to being open to talking, I have also pointed out when I was concerned about her daughter being fussy. But this is usually only if other children have been getting sick and I do it, not because I want to complain, but that I just want them to be aware about the behavior. And that if it is happening at home, maybe she needs to go to the doctor to see if she is sick. If anything, her daughter is the last one that I want to leave our classroom! But I also feel like you can't tell parents that because then that makes the other children look horrible and that isn't fair.

Well after talking with the floater, I saw one of the other teachers that was in the office at the moment this incident happened. I told her what the mom told the morning teacher and everything. She told me that I shouldn't worry about it because to her, she could tell mom wasn't having the best day already and that she thinks that fact that she is pregnant may also be why she got upset easily. And yesterday the other teacher handed the mom the sheet because her daughter was fussy again about being the 2nd to last to leave. So that teacher took her for a walk again while I finished up doing some flashcards with the little boy. Him and I went to the end of the hall to get his jacket on and get his nap stuff ready to go when the mom walked down to get her daughter's stuff. Let me tell you now it was awkward and we didn't really talk. Her daughter wanted to wear the little boy's jacket after mom already got her daughter's on. I told her little girl that she didn't really want a little boys jacket anyways, because it wasn't as pretty as her's. I told them to have a good evening and a great weekend and to stay warm. But that was about it. Then I ran into the floater and she asked me if mom really spoke to me and I told her no. Then the floater told me that the mom just stared at her =/

So long story short, when dealing with parents you should basically just try to keep them happy. If they are having a bad day but it isn't as bad as usual, you just have to tell them she had a good day.

Reply