I am a family childcare provider, and in my group have a 4 year old, 60 lb boy who still regularly has temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way. I'm talking kicking, screaming, throwing anything in reach, if we are outside, he has yanked out handfulls of grass and thrown that.

He is the oldest of 4, leads by example, others occasionally have tantrums, but since they are considerably smaller than he, I usually just pick them up and move them to a safe spot, and walk away. With the 3 yo, I know the triggers, and can often bypass them with humor or redirection of some sort. His tantrums usually come with little warning.

Today mom arrived to pick everyone up, and this boy he was stacking some blocks on the table. He saw mom, he yelled "I want to BUILD" twice, then sent one of the blocks sailing across the table, whacking one of the twins in the face. He screamed, kicked, etc. I very camly (I thought), picked him up under the arms (too big to lead by the hand when fighting), and took him out the door (right behind him) to the back porch. I sat him on the ground as gently as possible considering his flailing and weight. I said "you can come back in when you settle down". This boy has a good vocabulary, and he turns these tantrums on and off at will. I have tested him with something like "hey, do you want to go (do something fun), and can stop a tantrum immediately.

I then went in to comfort the baby, get him out of his chair, and hand him to his mother, who then took the baby to the car, which started him screaming AGAIN (NOOOO...dont leave...other baby is still sitting here, and he knows perfectly well she's not leaving without him).

DH just happened to be home, and witnessed this. He says the kid needs a good spanking (not an option here). DH said mom's face was "horrified".
I'm not sure if that was due to her son's actions or if she thought I handled it poorly. Communcation can be a challenge when she's comming in and out with 4 children, and it's hard to get ahold of her in the evenings.

What would you think? Do you think it's a poor strategy to put him outside? If so, what do I do in winter, stick him in the snow (might cool his jets!). I have put him in the next room, but that just happens to be my bedroom, and I honestly don't want anything destroyed. At 60 lbs, dragging him even 1/2 way across the room is hard on my 40+ yo back.

BTW he didnt nap today, but he had a similar fit at pick up yesterday (mom wanted him to go find his socks while she took one baby outside) and he'd slept 2 1/2 hours.

Once he calmed down, I took him to his cubby and out the front door, where he had another tantrum because mom had grabbed his backpack and coat on the way out. I let her deal with that-which she did by not letting him in the car until he (mostly) calmed down again.

Normally, I will speak to him about the incident after he has settled, but since it was the end of the day, that did not happen.

Any advice would be appreciated. Also, this child has no diagnosed exceptionalities, and I do not believe he has any. Generally, the tantrums are always about power-he wants what he wants, and feels he should get it. NOW!

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