Why is she allowed to visit and then leave again? And she suspects he has ADHD? Yet she still does this, knowing how upset he becomes and how disruptive it is for the entire group of children? Some providers here have a policy in place that parents can come but when they leave, they take the child with them. I only have a small in home daycare but even I know how much an adult can disrupt a small group. I cannot imagine a large groups reaction.
I would not allow parents to visit if it creates such a chaos. And as far as the spoon incident, omyword, can you imagine stopping to wash a spoon for each child? Every single little action in a large group of 16 kids becomes magnified x16.
Is this a center or an in-home with assistants? Do you have any say in what happens in regards to rules?