First: Much respect to Tom Copeland. He's a leader in our industry and his advice should always be highly considered.

You don't want the parent to try to argue with you about your reasons for terminate.

Tom, in real life they argue with you about it no matter how it is phrased and whatever reason you give. If the reason is a "universal" reason meaning that ALL the kids will be terminated then you will have the lowest liklihood of arguing. If their termination is situation dependent then they are going to object/argure. They have been given a NO and most if not all are going to take the NO badly.


I recommend giving no reason. If you do, the parent will probably be insulted whether you intended to or not. The parent will then tell others that you insulted her.

If you give them a reason they will be insulted. If you don't give them a reason they will be insulted. They will tell others that you terminated because of _______ (insert their version of why you termed) OR they will tell others that you terminated them without even bothering to tell them why. The people who they tell aren't going to like either one of those either.

There are also State regulations to consider. My State (Iowa) has a regulation that states "Provider must provide consistent dependable care". If you choose not to provide consistent dependable care for the client you must at least be able to proove to the DHS WHY you are refusing consistent dependable care. NOT giving a reason to the client will INCREASE your chances of being investigated and cited under this regulation alone.

Secondly, you may say something that causes the parent to believe that you discriminated against her and she will make a complaint about you.
I've heard you mention this before over the years but I'm not certain what you exactly mean. I have searched for many years to even FIND discrimination suits against home day care providers. I've seen Centers in law suits but I can't say I've ever ran across litigation that forced home child cares to either pay penalties for discrimination or retain a child or family based on discrimination. Are you aware of any cases where the parent has involved the justice system with home child care providers?

I guess what I'm saying is the liklihood of a discrimation law suit or action by the licensing in your State based on discrimination would be something that would be extremely low.

Now getting a complaint filed about your care of the kids after you have terminated? YES that is VERY high. But with most States that is met with an unnannounced inspection and the core reason for the inspection goes by the wayside very quickly once they start assessing you for the other 500 points of compliance in the inspection.

The way I manage to decrease the liklihood of issues on termination is to first not offer a contract when they first start care. I do a series of three interviews over a period of a few weeks and then if I feel they will work out I offer them a probationary slot in the day care.

I offer care for about three to six months before I sign a contract with them. It takes that long for me to be able to tell if they are going to have a high potential of retaining a long term slot in my care. During this time we agree that either party can terminate services without notice and without reason.

If during that time period I feel that the relationship isn't working then I either call or sit the parents down and let them know I've decided to not offer them a contract. I also offer to give them one months notice on this and free child care for the entire one month notice begining that day. From that day forward I do not "work" for them. Their service is free so we are no longer in a financial relationship.

This gives them ample time to find another "specialty" day care and also time to reserve the funds for whatever deposits or upfront fees they have to pay to get into the child care.

It's important to me to offer them a "peace offering" to let them know that I'm willing to help them out but that our relationship is not going to work long term. Even with such a generous offer they don't take it too well. When they get the NO they are insulted and angry.

I'm at the point where I can offer such a generous arrangement but they don't take me up on it. When they are going thru the "anger" stage of loss they will pull their child immediately. That works for me.

Giving a good window of time and allowing THEM to decide to terminate immediately is what works for me. That makes them feel they are the ones terminating.

Now I don't have families that are behind in fees so them owing me money is NEVER an issue. Money doesn't enter into my decision to terminate because I'm always paid up for my services in advance.

When I terminate it is almost always based on the parents behavior and whether or not it "fits" into what I want in my client base. Sometimes I can't see in the initital interviewing whether or not this will work for me. Thankfully I can the vast majority of the time. I have only had to terminate a few families in seventeen years.

Terminating is a very hard thing to do. I made a decision not to offer a contract to a family this past year and it was incredibly stressful and hard to do. It's always hard to let a good kid go and good money go out the door but sometimes you have to protect your future by doing the right thing today.

My advice with terminating is to either not offer the contract initially as I do or when you terminate give a reason that is as universal as possible. You can not give them a reason with a reason: "The care arrangement for X is not working for my business" "Client not performing per contractual agreement" etc. I would not get into the specifics.

Rest assured regardless of HOW you say it or WHAT you offer to the client they are gong to be insulted. There's not magic bullet with termination. Nothing works well because you are telling a grown person NO. With parents becoming more and more entititled their ability to receive a No seems to lessen over time.

My one exception of giving specifics when terminating is when the child has medical or behavioral needs that you can not meet. I'm NOT talking about children who have been diagnosed with a long term disability who qualify under the disability act. I'm talking specifically about children who have medical needs that arrise during your tenure with them or behavioral issues that arrise during your tenure with them.

When you have a child that needs physical or supervision care that is beyond your abilities it IS important that you tell the parent specifically. It's best to word it as how it relates to you and your care.

I have had to tell parents that I do not have the ability to care for their kid. I do not have the training, education, space, equipment, and mostly the staff to provide what their child needs to be successful in day care. I am very upfront that the child needs a level of supervision, schedule, and involvement that we simply can't provide while caring for the other children.

I'm not ashamed to admit it even in writing. I'm not afraid to admit it. If a child needs their own adult in order to care for them and protect the safety of the other children and the business then I am very upfront that I can't provide that without additional funding. I'm very clear when counselling them thru the transition that we are not able to provide the services the child needs and we ARE willing to take whatever consequences come from that decision. If it means the State will become involved or the Department of Justice become involved.. I welcome it.

Often when you terminate based on a child's needs the documentation you give the parents will assist them in finding the medical, psychological, behavioral, and educational care the child needs. I'm happy to provide the documentation and I stand by it even IF that means working with supervisory agencies to confirm. I will NOT have a child in my care that I'm unable to properly care for.

So with terminations based on the needs of the child I will be specific. If it's a behavioral problem with the parents I let them know I will not be offering a contract for service and offer free care for a substantial time so they can make arrangements.

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