Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The comment about him needing to be a "man" really says a lot about how his parents feel and their parenting philosophies.....
Also the fact that mom won't or doesn't want to wash "so much laundry" (kids' shirts are hardly an entire load) says a lot too.... their child has a basic need and she doesn't want to do a bunch of laundry.... LOL!! 
Ah the 'be a man' comment. They call him 'little man' and I catch myself doing it, too. In some ways he IS a little man. Wise, calm, patient, he is also fiercely independent and VERY proud of doing things for himself. He broke one of my solar lights outside kicking it earlier this year-picked up early and didn't want to stop the activity- and his Dad said to him right in front of me "When you grow up and become a big man, you can't do those things. Lets fix this for Miss ****, and man up and say sorry." and the little guy did. It's never like "Suck it up and be a man." or said meanly or down to him, it's very much a nick name and affection thing.
As far as Mom with the laundry, she works 2 jobs and Dad doesn't do laundry. So it would add up over the course of a week. She even said she isn't so sure he has enough shirts. It IS an inconvenience, as children usually are.
I do laundry everyday, and honestly tossing his things in with the daycare hand towels won't be a big issue.
Originally Posted by Willow:
Attachment disorders aren't always the result of being poorly parented. And anxiety disorders in children are notoriously difficult to diagnose.
I too appeared perfectly normal, happy and intelligent on the outside, while on the inside I was one big ball of tightly knotted and frayed nerves. I was a nail biter, and was frequently reminded how disgusting my coping mechanism was. That did not make things any better.
As a provider you have to decide what you can and can't deal with. A child chewing on his shirt or other items is no grosser to me than a baby who drools all over themselves, their clothes and on toys. If you don't feel the same way that's ok, but if you're trying to help him I'd really suggest MV's very gently approach 
It makes me sad to think that there could be so much inner turmoil or issue. He is quite verbal, maybe I'll pull out my Joy Berry books and get him to talk and see if there is something bothering him or if there is anything I can do.
I NEVER shame or scold him. I have tried "Oops, bud looks like your shirt is in your mouth again." and he says "I know, I put it there."
I don't have babies in care, and he is quite more mobile than a drooling infant. His shirt becomes so wet it's saturated and laying on things, (he loves to lay on the floor and build) make the floor visibly wet. Definitely a sanitary issue.
Today before lunch he went into the bathroom to go potty and changed his shirt by himself. I didn't tell him to, and he didn't say anything to me about it. He put his shirt in the daycare hamper and went back to music time without a word.
Maybe giving HIM more control of it and allowing him the option to change? (a cold, wet, shirt doesn't look very comfortable) and saying NOTHING to him about it might help? Goodness knows Mom and Dad have tried the reverse. Mom and Dad have been not saying anything and taking his shirt out of his mouth (or lovey) whenever they see him do it. It's been over a month with that technique and we have seen no noticeable improvement.