Originally Posted by Elko:
I've seriously tried about 100 times to get her to tell me EXACTLY what to do. I say, "ok, what time do you want to start naptime?" And "So you want to start just putting the boys down and not spending a minute on them? I'll do that if you want, just tell me" (after she goes on about how she wants them to be able to go to sleep on their own, and she doesn't think we need to respond to crying unless it's a real distress cry, yadda yadda.) Then she says "Oh I'm fine with spending a few minutes getting one down then bringing the other up..." It just goes in circles. I swear, I've gotten like creepily clear and she refuses to give in. Yesterday I said "ok what time should I bring them in for a snack?" (We were doing 11:00 but she started acting like that was too early, in a weird passive-aggressive way, so I asked very clearly). She said "oh I don't know, maybe a little closer to 11:30, just see how they're doing". (When I use my own judgment she doesn't believe me or thinks I'm being controlled by tantrums). I said "I'd rather you tell me a time and I'll just make it happen, I don't want to be wrong". She got wishy washy. I said "Ok, 11:30. I'll do whatever I have to do to make them last until then". (We have a difficult one who won't eat at meal or snacktime and gets starving and tantrumy right in between).
So there's a rambling example of what happens several times a day at this point.
That sounds like a nightmare.
Obviously she is still very green in this and it is effecting your entire world.
Can you afford to simply walk away? Maybe get a part-time job at night while your SO is home (assuming there is a SO who is working during the day as is most common
)?