I think that the problem lies in labelling parenting and then writing books about it and then having parents preach the contents. I have interviewed 3 families lately who tell me they are this type of parent and follow this book. Um, what? Next!
The last family that came through couldn't accept that I wouldn't wear their child when he was upset or that I would put him down to bed awake. I explained that I have other kids in my care (what happens if they are upset, should I wear them all?) and she nursed her child to sleep. I calmly told her that I couldn't replicate that here (never mind that my baby weaned 7 years ago). They left in tears b/c they couldn't understand why daycare required them to change their baby's entire life.
The big issue, for me, is independent sleeping. If a child cannot nap independently, I don't want them here. Period. It sounds harsh but I can't take the crying. It breaks my heart and causes my blood pressure to go through the roof.
ETA: I coslept and extended bf. It worked for us because I didn't plan to work outside the home. And I didn't consider myself AP. Just a parent.