Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
I think having families providing meals is a great move. May I ask how that works with your DS? Are your families cautious about sending in safe foods? Or is it a non issue since she is away at school (if I remember she is SA, right?)
Yes my dd is SA and away at school - my program is peanut free which I have in red bold text in the contract and they initial that line. All my parents have been respectful to this.... I also open lunches prior to giving them to the kids so if there are any issues (choking concerns, peanuts, etc.) I pull those out and will return them with a little note reminding them of our policies. We have not had any issues with the peanut policy and parents in my area are used to it and respect allergies, many are thankful for my policy - others just know it is the new reality even one of our public elementary schools is completely peanut free & most of the private schools either have peanut free classes or peanut free schools.
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
I 100% get avoiding foods your child is allergic to. DS is allergic to peanuts. Anaphylaxis. We carry two pens, as I am sure your DD does too 
It started off with him not being able to ingest peanuts but was able to be around them. One day DD was eating crackers with peanut butter and afterward kissed DS on the forehead. He broke out in the worst rash with facial swelling. So now we are totally peanut free. No one can bring food into our home except DH and myself. No bulk bin purchases that DS will consume. Family members have to wash hands upon arrival at our house. No kissing on the lips. And now I am fighting with the insurance company on issuing a second set of pens. Our insurance will only cover generic. All of the pharmacies within a 50 mile radius of us only have the brand epi pen. If this can't be sorted out before the current pens expire we will be forking out the money for the brand name epi pen.
I allow people to bring food in our home, etc. we all wash hands and I always ask prior to them entering if they have any items with peanuts. Maybe my dd is older than yours but everyone in our lives know about dd's allergy..... and all have been respectful and supportive.
With changes to insurance drug coverage my insurance switched to generic only as well... My pharmacist/pediatrician was able to dispute the insurance company denial because it was a life threatening item. It was a process and took about a week between the pharmacist, pediatrician and the insurance company but they did all the work ---- I just had the hassle of going to the pharmacist twice and having to wait about a week. I would talk to your child's pediatrician - if they are unwilling to allow the generic either due to lack of availability or because it is not as effective for life saving drug there are ways to contest.
Hopefully the new congress will get a handle on these extreme cost of drugs so insurance companies don't feel forced to put consumers in corners like these - in this case it is the rug companies charging so much that is the blame, insurance companies are just reacting to those crazy drug prices by limiting us.
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
The difference between this mom and me though is I actually had my children tested. She didn't. Mom had the allergy and wanted to be on the safe side for her child in case her child also had allergies. Which I totally get. But if she was so concerned for her child's well being I would have assumed "not wanting her child to be poked with needles" would not have been her reason for opting out of testing. 
I mean, you go to the ER in anaphylactic shock you will be poked with a lot more needles than what is necessary for an allergy screening blood draw.
I disagree with your statement above
mom knows she has a peanut allergy... the difference is you have no food obligation to the mom. If your son with a peanut allergy as you describe above was the parent in the description above. I would be concerned about the following...
Your son, now DCD picks up child not knowing child had peanuts at snack. Signs child out, buckles child into the car seat in close range of ingestion, gets in car to drive home, goes into anaphylaxis shock, crashes car, kills both himself and the child.
another example
Your son, now DCD picks up child not knowing child had peanuts at snack. Signs child out, gives child kiss before putting them into the car and goes into anaphylaxis shock in the middle of the street / parking lot leaving a preschool in a street / parking lot to potentially be hit by a car and possibly killing them both.
another example...
Your son now DCD picks up child, provider informs him the child had peanuts at snack DCD now needs to stay away from his own child and leave the daycare w/o child, child is upset DCD came and did not take them, DCD calls the mom to pick up now making pick up time late and owing a late fee. DCM picks up child ensures child is clean and safe, to be overly cautious DCD should still not kiss child for period of time.
It is not about the not wanting to poke the little one with shots it is about IF YOU KNOW YOU HAVE AN ALLERGY YOU TAKE CERTAIN PRECAUTIONS. None of those example above are dependent of IF the child had an allergy.... Sorry to be so blunt in my examples above but these are the types of situations I try to think out with my daughter as she becomes more independent and out in the world without me and while I do not recall the age of your son I hope you arm him with this sort of knowledge when he gets to the right age as well.
You do not have an obligation to the mom's health but mom was right to ask for an accommodation based on her own allergy, it is your as the provider right to deny that request and IF it were my daughter and grandchild I would hope my daughter would just move on to a daycare that would not put her life (and my grandchild's life) at risk.