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Old 12-11-2013, 11:16 PM
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blandino blandino is offline member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Tulsa area
Posts: 1,508

Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I feel like this is definitely an underlying issue at the heart of complicating my request. I've lurked around the forums for awhile and have noticed that this is a big issue between providers and parents. Providers are often insulted at the lack of trust parents give and aggravated at the over-bearing that follows due to this lack of trust. I suppose in a way I can understand but mostly I don't understand, particularly when the child is new. I know my asking to stay after the provider has had her a couple of times could be interpreted like a demotion in a way, but that is not what it is at all! It has nothing to do with whether I trust her or not. I want to make this transition as easy for my lg as possible and abruptly leaving her alone with a total stranger for long periods of time seems like it would be much more difficult for her then if I were there for awhile to acclimate her to the new environment. I also think it would help my lg to see me interact with the provider. This seems to me a difference of philosophy, not one of trust. But I think inevitably it would feel like a slight.
Honestly, I can tell you from my experience, It has never once made it easier when a parent tries and stays to help acclimate their child. For me it isn't even an issue of trust. Also, I don't think your DD is old enough to care/notice whether you are interacting with the provider. Her crying is because she is reacting to a new environment that is completely different than your home, and will continue to be different even if you were to stay for an hour and then leave. As soon as you leave, she is going to be in that new environment.

I can see where a parent would think that them staying would help acclimate a child. In my experience the only thing it does is set up a false expectation that mom is going to stay at that new place with me. So the child gets used to the idea that the parent is going to stay in this new environment with them, and then once the parent leaves you are back at square one. Staying to help acclimate her, just creates a crutch, which then eventually has to be removed, and will result in the same crying as before.