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Old 12-12-2013, 07:06 AM
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nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 7,300

Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
NannyDe is right.
You're perception of what is happening has now become your own truth. You feel that your daughter is being neglected at daycare and in your absence and you don't trust your provider to be able to move past that without your supervision. If that is how you feel, that is fine. Just own it. Quit your job and stay home with your infant. That choice is okay to make!

But be aware that transitioning at 6 months or a year almost always is harder than infant age. Babies and young toddlers are very aware of the change, much more so than infants. If you stay home, I suggest staying till 15 or 18 months when you child is ready to be more independent and able to move into group care a bit better.

I am reading between the lines here but it appears that what you really want by posting here is for people to support you decision to stay home and support the idea that your child is going to be damaged by crying and that your provider and your child will not be able to adjust to this scenario. I cannot support all those ideas because as a mother of four and an experienced daycare provider, experience tells me otherwise HOWEVER, I support your right to decide what is best for your family. If you dont want to wait out an adjustment period and you want the support to quit your job, here it is from me.

Lastly, you have the best scenario possible....a nanny for daycare cost. That is as good as it gets. You wont be able to find a better set up than that. And now that I know that your provider has no other kids in care, I think staying for half days is definitely a bad idea. Your infant will almost surely not benefit from this and it will be you that is trying to "interview" the provider and gain a comfort level during those times. It does not take two adults to care for one baby and do nothing else. Sounds horribly awkward for the provider. I cant imagine that she will take it any other way than a bad way BUT if you want to ask and she is okay with it, then by all means, try it. I just dont think it will change anything for you. I think you would sit in her house for a week or two and then quit your job anyway so that would be a waste of her time. I could be wrong, but I probably am not.
Buyer beware that this child care provider WILL take other children and most likely very soon. There's not enough money in one baby. This parent needs to realize that there will come a day very soon when the provider gets the next baby who needs four hour parental interviews and "teaching" for THAT baby to not cry. This baby will have to endure the provider doing another acclimation transition with a complete stranger parent hanging around for hours over days and the focus of the provider will shift from her no cry training to another babies no cry training so the provider can have money.

There's value in the newbie provider having this experience right out of the gate. For some providers there may be value to this but I think most by far would see it as a ridiculous amount of one to one parent care in a group setting. The newbie provider needs to work out what she will do when subjected to these kinds of requests as they will come often. The parent who is concerned about crying brain damage is becoming the majority. How they deal with "transition" to stave off the brain damage will be different with each parent. One thing for certain... the solution will ALWAYS be more. More one to one... more parent... more time. It won't translate into the provider having a smooth easy time as she gets to know the kid.

The provider also needs the experience of divesting a TON of prestart time and "transition" time and end up loosing the kid anyway because the one to one no cry care can't really be done in a group and the provider dissatisfaction for working SO hard for so little will rear it's head soon. Providers who consider doing this kind of upfront investment need to set basic pay rates to reflect the high probability that they will only have the child a short time after the parent interviewing and transitioning stops. They need to require a substantial upfront amount of money that will pay for the slot for the duration of how long it takes to fill a slot. They need at least a full MONTH of salary from the point where the "transition" time stops forward. That way they have some security of income to cover till the next no cry baby comes along. If she does it for free... meaning only getting care money for this level of parent time she will learn VERY quickly she did a ton of work for a few dollars an hour. That will sting.

More than half of my consulting work now is working with providers trying to manage attachment parents with no cry babies (no cry in fear of brain damage) , toddlers, and the preschooler who has been raised in it in their setting. I never in a million years thought I would have income coming in as a direct result of no cry parenting. Never thought I would make a dime off of it... but alas it is quite the money maker.