Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Greetings, all! I’m so glad to have found this forum! Sorry in advance for the length...:
My wife, 3-year-old daughter and I recently moved to a small community (population: ~8,000). Truth is, my job takes me to some pretty remote areas (e.g., population: 3) and this is the first time we’ve really been in a community of any kind. But that’s what we moved here for. So far, it’s been great for our family—many more opportunities for socializing, community involvement, etc.
Of course I’m biased, but my daughter really is a sweetheart. I’ve never seen her hit, bite, or shove another human being. She’s gentle, independent, relatively quiet, and has no problem finding ways to entertain herself (not that she’s necessarily had to—mommy stays at home and gives a lot of loving attention). Granted, we’re very conscious that she hasn’t spent as much time around kids as other children, but we are close to our families and she has cousins her age that she sees on a regular basis. And, since we’ve been here (about 4 months), she plays with other kids on a relatively regular basis—at parks, community centers, the public pool, etc. There are even standing play dates here and there. Again, we haven’t seen anything that would concern us that when the time came for mommy to go back to work, that there would be any major issues.
Well, there aren’t a lot of daycare options here, but we’ve researched them all (almost exclusively home-based providers) and the whole family has visited several of them. The one we liked best has decades of experience, stellar references, and only accepts 3-5 year olds. The provider seems like an honest, down-to-earth person who genuinely cares for her kids. We really like her, and our daughter seems to, too. During our visits, my daughter really enjoyed her time there and cried when she had to leave. She played with the other kids a bit, but mostly played by herself. Anyhow, we’ve since had two short (3-hour) trials without mommy and daddy. After the first, the provider suggested that this might not be the best fit. To be honest, my wife and I were kind of shocked. Our daughter had no separation issues, and the provider gushed over how sweet and smart she was. But the concern was that she was the youngest one there (but by no more than a year), and that some of the games the other kids were playing were a bit too “advanced” for our daughter. I figured it wasn’t so much a problem, because our daughter would likely just play by herself somewhere (which she apparently did) and eventually would get the hang of it all. She’d learn. And, when there were group participation songs, dances, and/or exercises, she apparently participated just like all the other kids. Aside from this, however, there were a couple issues that concerned us more: she cried/threw a minor fit when she didn’t like the food she was served as snack time; and, she complained when she was told to use the restroom. The second trial date went pretty much the same way except that when my daughter spied the provider’s father’s candy jar, she threw a fit because she wanted some.
Anyhow, the provider says she’s on the fence but we get the distinct impression that she’s quite reluctant. My wife and I are pretty distraught and confused and, to be honest, my daughter doesn’t seem like she wants to go back, either. Trouble is, we don’t have a lot of options where we live—some of the others we’re now forced to consider are either prohibitively expensive, dirty, have TVs on most of the time, and/or don’t have kids anywhere near her age. Of course, I’m new to all this—this is my first (and possibly only) child going to daycare. It just seems to me that an experienced daycare provider who advertises that they care for 3-year-olds might have some strategies for dealing with (what I perceive to be) normal 3-year-old behavior. Am I being naïve? Expecting too much from a day care provider? Am I oblivious to the fact that my daughter is somehow spoiled? Honestly, the behavior the daycare provider experienced is just about the worst we’ve ever experienced at home, too. We shared with her how we deal with these sorts of issues at home: You don’t want to eat your snack? Fine. I guess you won’t be having a snack then. If she throws a fit, we ignore the behavior and/or give her a time-out. I didn’t think this sort of discipline was groundbreaking, unheard of, and/or impossible to perform in a day care setting. Maybe she’s not telling us everything? That being said, there are clearly some disciplinary issues that we’re going to have to pay more attention to around home…
I respect the experience and professionalism of this provider. And, of course, I would never want to compromise the daycare experiences of other enrolled kids (e.g., if the provider has to spend extra time with my daughter). But I still find myself feeling a little lost and confused. My wife and I would really appreciate any insight other parents might have into this sort of issue. Thanks so much in advance!
It 's a good idea. I think so. Thanks a lot !