Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Thank you for all of the (respectful!) input ladies. 
I appreciate it and it has given me a lot to think about.
I can see both sides of the issue of the provider's kids getting special, but I can also put myself in DS's little toddler shoes and see it from his side, and I can see it from a couple other sides as well. It's complicated being inside my head. 
And I'm no closer to a decision than I was before. And I'm grumpily edging towards a space of feeling like I can't ever have anything nice for my own kids because of the daycare. Which is a sad place to be in...for me and for them. DD is easy at least. The boys aren't interested in her stuff and she's older now. But DS is harder because the older boys insist on being nasty to him and his toys are so enticing to them.
I see your point, but why can't your child have nice things AFTER the other children have left? It would be the same if he were in daycare elsewhere. He'd go to daycare, play with daycare toys, then come home and play with his own toys. Just like you DCK do.
As far as the other children being mean to him, I'd put a stop to that immediately. They'd lose every privilege that they overstepped boundaries on....even if that ended up being everything by the end of the day. They'd be informed that it would not be tolerated for one second, just as you would not tolerate anyone being mean to them. My son's toys would be strictly available to him only, but in his room only, which is where he would have to go if he wanted to play with them during daycare hours. I'd put up a gate to the hallway that leads to his room to keep the other kids away from his room.