Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Well the problem took care of itself. Found one of these:
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...GL._SX385_.jpg
at Once Upon a Child today. It's legitimately too small for the older boys to play with. There is NO negotiation on this one! The Cozy Coupe I wanted wasn't available in the stores, so I'll shoot for that at Christmas, when one problem boy will be gone and the other will be 5.
I just hope now that no one says I should have gotten something that everyone can play with, just because the other kids will be sad that they don't have something new for them. 
re: MissAnn
Giving him those toys that are HIS helps with boundaries for HIM--he knows that he doesn't have to fight for the "resource" essentially, and makes him less likely to walk over to the other kids and snatch/hit/push/bite. He can be more easily redirected "Jimmy is using that dino, but here's YOUR brachiosaurus you can use!" Somehow, it's working for him. AND--he's voluntarily "invented" the idea of trading. Just this past week he has started trying to trade his special thing for the thing in the other boy's hand.
I'm keeping an eye out for a third Cozy Coupe, but I refuse to buy my son a birthday present that he has to turn around and let everyone else share the very next day...he doesn't understand yet. he's TWO. Even my 5.5 year old wouldn't be happy about having to immediately share an exciting new toy of her own.
We've had problems in the past with one of the older boys thinking that all the birthday presents DD got were actually his. It broke her heart and she never did play with a few of the things that he tried to claim...
Enrolling new kids is not that simple around here and I haven't had an inquiry for a toddler in over a year. I'm also full right now, won't have space until the fall.
He's already apart from the older boys. He basically never gets to play anywhere or with anyone but me...because they push him away, and because I can't trust him (due to the aforementioned hitting/biting/snatching behaviors).
Re: Willow
I will keep that in mind...though neither boy is interested in the trike and the scooter that we also have. Trust me, the cars are NOT the only ride on outdoor toys! Just the ones that my very argumentative boys argue over.
Re:Crystal
I see your points, I really do. It's why I asked here 
I needed other perspectives.
I have been fighting for, oh, 6-9 months, to get these boys to play nice with my toddler. My toddler is VERY rough, aggressive, and rambunctious and I can't figure out how to teach him any differently. I am beginning to think that a big part of our problem is just simple personality conflicts. I'm not sure the personalities would ever get along together, even without the two year age (and maturity! such as it is 
) gap.
The kicker is that I can't just...let them go...and get new clients. There just aren't new clients to be had easily, and if I don't have both of them we don't pay bills, and we're already on the edge of survival financially, so I do what I can every day to protect all of them...physically and emotionally. It's not an easy situation, and it's definitely a large part of why I live my life in a high-stress state.
I completely agree with everything you have said.
Like you said, regardless of what the birthday present is, it's NOT FAIR to him to ask him to share a new birthday present.
When holidays come around, and my kids get new, I ask them to pick X things of their older room toys to donate to the daycare. Is stuff they rarely play with, but the daycare kids feel like they got new toys too.
It works great for us.