Originally Posted by nannyde:
Everything she is doing is to get YOU to "do" her.
She is engaging you so she wins. Even if you tell her it doesn't have anything to do with her and to go play she gets the TIME and ATTENTION that saying "it doesn't have anything to do with you.. go play". THAT'S what she's after. Your response to her is what she wants. Doesn't matter WHAT she brings to you.. she gets what she wants. Doesn't matter if she is telling the other kids what to do .. she knows that leads to YOU doing HER.
You need to get her prompts down to "go play toys" "play toys" ... "you TOYS" ... "toys".. "go".
She needs super sharp prompts that are at MOST three words but at best one word. The rest of her prompts need to be with your body language, tone, and facial expressions.
When she is approaching you with her "engagement" behavior start off with "go play toys" ..... if she comes at you again or after one of the other kids then give her "YOU go play". If she reoffends again then get it shorter 'YOU toys".. then just to TOYS!!!!!
Your nonverbal needs to be a strict stern look.. eyes squinted.. lips tight.. and stare directly at her. Tone needs to be low and the words need to come out quick.
If she doesn't back down then you put your hand on her shoulders and redirect her to the toy area and then say the words "go play toys".
So when she comes to tattle on one of the kids.......... stand up....... look down.... game face on....... and say "go play toys".
You don't have to negotiate with her. You don't have to explain things to her. You don't have to listen to her opinion. You don't have to allow her to give you a news report update on the kids. You don't have to have her EVER between you, your staff assistant, or the other kids.
She doesn't deserve to be treated like an adult. It hurts her to have that role. It hurts her ability to enjoy this precious time as a child. Give her the gift of the role of a child in your group.
That means stopping full stop her tip toeing or barging into your business.
Every minute of every day she needs an adult to confirm with her that she is to DO toys and DO being a friend to the kids and DO being a child. That's what shes CRAVING for. The rules, boundaries, and limitations that keep her in the child role.
You are punishing her by these actions......... you are BLESSING her when you do it. You are respecting her right to be a child in the GROUP of children.
Give THAT to her. She deserves it and needs it.
The way to check on how you guys are responding to her that makes her THINK she's one of you instead of a kid that needs to go play is how many seconds it takes to get her to comply and how many words you are using to get her to do it. It needs to get down to one word to her and one second she gets back on track. Then the number of "engagement" behaviors she gives you needs to dramatically decline within a week.
That is when you will know she is getting it. She will show you a calm and centered kid when you put her back into the life of a child in the group in your group of kids.
This.
Thank you. Seriously.
This is what I want to do, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. I'm weary of explaining "its not your business - go play" to her, and its not doing any good anyway. Like you said, it still amounts to me "doing" her and her doing me instead of her toys and friends.