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grandmom 02:55 PM 03-19-2014
Send an email to both parents and talk about the behavior changes. Tell them what you are doing to help him. Do not diagnose him or his behavior. Just state what he does and when.

Then with him: He's 3.75! Have a talk with him when he is calm, and tell him he's a big boy and he can put on his own boots, or take them off, or eat, or whatever you expect. Then expect him to do it.

Don't do anything for him you know he can do himself. He has not learned to do things, because someone keeps doing it for him.

Ignore his behavior - especially the assistant you talked about when she tried to comfort/distract/etc. He is continuing this behavior because he is getting a response. He doesn't care if it's negative or positive. It's still attention.

Meals. Excuse him from the table at the first sign of disrespect. Calmly say "oh, it looks like you are all done." Let him scream. and when he is done screaming and has a moment to collect himself, ask if he'd like to come back to the table respectfully. If he doesn't collect, then let him go to nap hungry. Then when he is calm after nap and says he's hungry, remind him that he should have stayed at the table and ate what was offered.

Be careful how/what you share with parents because in their frustration with each other they may both turn on you.

Good luck.